Don't seek Christendom, seek Wisdom

1.

Pure knoledge is void of reason;

devoid of class – it borders treason.

Pure faith – like an eternal season,

puts himself in anguish-prison…

2.

Pure Wisdom seeks no merits;

its followers fervor he inherits!

Pure Kindness – steadfast cherish,

to avoid the guilty villains banish…

3.

Why would the Just need Mercy –

like a champion fully cursing

needs a hand to lift up treasuries?

They got their valor and no mercy!

4.

Justice and Mercy don't go along:

there one reigns the other sharpens his tongue.

Mercy seeks forgiveness, justice corpses by the throng;

their paths go astray – never together they belong!

5.

God is like the colorless color;

before any taste – a scentless odor!

Before the light darkness common,

when he hadn't yet anything summoned…

6.

Pure things have no reflection;

they are itself without distraction.

Unable to add or in subtraction

for peoples choise or inner affection…

7.

Pure man – he shall not desire

Kingdoms come and their beginnings ire.

Like a snuffed out amber on a spire

has no food nor root in the shire.

Forsake

1.

Chasing for Pride and Hybris in my mind;

“Lend me your strength, oh Jesus, give me Godspeed!”

My sword is craving for blood, my axe is on the grind;

my sight and vision blurry; my anger reeking blind.

A signpost stares me grumpy: “GET LOST – CAN'T U READ!”

I grin in battle-frenzy for my rage must feed;

when my sight grows weary of dreams to go hind¹.

2.

On a canvas of rotten dirt so full of ivy-mold

two men are fighting each other like champions.

They are like paladins²; shining knights of old;

ones armor made of silver the others of gold.

I get lunged by a thousand minions;

I sigh with resent and cast a prayer to hinder those –

to wait for my opponents invite to be told…

3.

Pride won the fight and gloated his silver tongue;

Hybris licked his wounds and glared at me with distrust.

His golden armor was in tatters; his weapons all wrong;

H:“Kind sir, are those not to your liking – what house do you belong?”

Pride dowsed the minions who couldn't plunge through the prayers thrust;

they there bickering for mercy from the furthest to the last.

Yet they there gone and an eerie silence befell the plane – but not for long.

4.

I stated my name and house, and they both smiled with rejoice.

P: “You came to the right place, Whiteraven, we'll get along fine – !”

I took my axe and raised it on my shoulder to incite a choice.

“Sir, that is most unwise – you're outmatched and outnumbered!” he poised

Hybris readied himself to amend his previous defeat and drew the line:

“Haven't you beheld a more worthy opponent for its shine?”

Charging ahead: “I know what you both are under that disguise!”

5.

We battled through ages and nobody stood dormant – no victor emerged;

I remembered what Jesus taught me and holstered my weapons.

Pride got angry: “That conduct is most unbecoming for knighthood on verge”;

Hybris concluded: “Dost you not wish for your glorious anthem to surge?”

They didn't understand my stand of Peace and what happens;

on a fight they so much craved as blood the mind cripples.

“En garde!” they both shouted and trampled like maddened bulls charged.

6.

They struck me down with they choicest weapons, yelling: “Coward!!”

H: “Fight back like a man you are and strike us down head on!”

I didn't care what they there ranting and moved my mind forward;

my wounds convalesced without ado, my vision plunged toward

the hope of redemption to my lost heirs who were gone.

And they gave up on me stating that I was long lost to the true cause – done;

I replied: “Why would fire need in water a ward?”

7.

They didn't understand that question and asked for a reply;

I looked at them with pity and started my last stand nigh:

“If fire is stronger than water; it burns and begets of more³;

If fire is weaker than water, death shall even the score!”

They didn't like that approach and saw it as plight;

they ridiculed my stance and thought of it as lives fright.

Oh, how prominent was the perfectly clear blue sky…

8.

Having mustered Pride and Hybris without falling to rant;

I prided myself of such noble conduct and quests delightful end.

I hoped for Jesus to soon come back and my souls urge finally grant;

when He stood at my sight Jesus was not so pleased and gallant:

“Why are you gloating and would not to your chores attend?

This must be a common core mistake with you Christians – a trend!”

I looked with puzzled consent:“I thought you would admit that I am a Saint!!”

9.

Jesus smirked with a cryptic notion in His eyes and cast forth a cross:

“Behold my cross – nobody can lift it – Know this, if you can raise it thrice;

I shall bow down in front of you and admit you a Saint by the coins toss!”

Agitated by that challenge I wanted to prove my Lord that I am no loss;

I stood in front of the Cross and lifted it up with ease and thrice -

“Indeed, that should have been hard? Nobody, you say! Jesus, you are so nice!!”

“But you ARE a nobody from your birth!” He stated, and the truth swallowed me like a moss.

10.

“Behold – that's your quest in my sight, oh faithful knight of Christ!”

He shouted and kneeled down in front of me making me blush:

“Don't do that my Lord!” I tried to assume a more correct position to Him, but was pressed;

away siting on His throne and Jesus on my feet in beggars garment dressed.

Despaired in agony of regrets, that I didn't understand – My mind forsaked me in a rush;

“Strike me down, Whiteraven, and be a God what you are – Come now, crush!!”

I couldn't think of a request more sinister, that was in my eye the vilest…

11.

“Strike me down, for you shall not make an image of God!” Jesus repeated His choice;

“You are Jesus Christ! My Lord and Savior!!” I tried to stand up but couldn't.

“Strike me down, now for I have once suffered it for you already!” Jesus commanded with a voice

of utmost dominance and without any demur and I felt so bitter and misplaced.

“I cannot!” I cried out with tears mingling on my cheeks with sweat. “Nobody wouldn't!!”

“You will strike me down if you are with me!” He uttered fully voicing, but prudent.

I lost myself and slew my God not fathoming the necessity of that sacrifice...

12.

Weeping on His corps and not knowing what to do next with my life;

what should I be now having arouse against my Lord and Master with folly.

The Holy Spirit lift me up and explained what is my strife:

“If you wanna have butter on your bread you need a knife!”

“But not to stab the bread!” I disagreed with murderous cruelty;

“You still have to cut the butter!” he replied and offered fealty.

I muttered: “This is end of the line – the final score to be loafed...”

13.

“You lifted the Cross thrice, that means, you have three quests at hand!”

I looked at the Holy Spirit not knowing what to say about that.

The Holy Spirit brought me to a remote location out of demand;

there nobody would go if possible a sorrowful no-mans land.

Three Kinds of men and women came my way and I crouched like a cat;

ready to trounce at my enemies so full of life like a prosperous rat.

I was halted in my advance and I listened to the Holy Spirits stand.

14.

“Behold – the Gays; the Harlots and the Witches!” “What of them?” I shouted back

“You shall steward them like your own – like Jesus has stewarded you!”

“The Hell I will!” I smirked back with resent and disgust in my eyes to stack

my mace on their sculls and feel the lovely crunch when the gore spits me black.

“You are a Nobody from the beginning – being deprived of your child-rights – Go!

As a bastard you should know their pain of having no place within the Law of God…

Go now and be their Sheppard and sooth their minds; mend their wounds hack!”

15.

“The Hell, I will!” I shouted again, but without any spirit, like under a carpet.

“They are like you, and Jesus loves them, you shall grant them their rights!”

I felt like I was loosing my mind, the victim of an evil joke – a target

of cons and deceit – like a silly traveler gets ripped off on the market.

I wanted to object but was so in contrast and out of fights:

“How to suffer this then I shall not leave a witch alive – as knights

of Jesus Christ we are bound by honor to uphold the Law of God – Dies Carpem!”

16.

“Are you under the Law now or under the Cross?” replied the Holy Spirit

“You there presented to Jesus Christ one step before Hell and full of witchcraft;

you're disobedient and insubordinate like a rampaging Bounteous Kirin!

And still you wanna say they have no sway in Mercy for being different within?”

“How should I forsake my own by going under Gods wrath?”

“How can you hold onto your life and God at the same time on your path?”

I knew he was right and that was my cause I could literally feel it…

17.

Resigning myself and casting off all trembles and wants for yonder;

I was relieved of all hopes taking my quest to heart like wormwood.

It tasted bitter and darkened my feelings to go for a pounder;

I rejected all anger and lost myself to God for a rounder.

Like Jesus once told to his followers: “This is your Heavens food!”

Understanding finally what it meant to be in God, my flesh and blood,

that was the chosen sacrifice to be cast away and squander…

18.

Malice and Daring came back in their true form, I did not despair.

“I'm sorry!” they both uttered looking down for being so sad;

“We liked ourselves better this way, not sugarcoated for a fare!”

“I hope you don't mind, this is the truth not a dare...”

I smiled at them with calm eyes: “I am not mad...”

And looking at myself: “My ignorance is just amusing me – I'm glad

that you both found your way, though I wasn't ready to see you without a stare.”

19.

We sat together, while Vengeance and Hatred joined the party;

we all there together and the sun was finally brightly shining.

Nobody felt off, nobody was accused of being naughty;

nobody was scolding rules and nobody was conducting haughty.

The rivers flowed with everlasting grace to the timing

of righteousness while the meadows cherished in flowers chiming:

Some bees and humming birds there joyously starting…

20.

Forsaken was the Anger; forsaken was the Pain; forsaken was the hangman

who doesn't know his name. Forsaken was tomorrow; forsaken was today;

all gathered around the courtyard nothing ill to say. Forsaken was the stand;

forsaken was the waiting; forsaken was the time-line pressing, the hour at hand

to be called upon and stressing – just a quiet sunny day in the course or May.

All there cheering up as they there and nobody was rebuked and hissed: “Nay!”

Just like the knights or the round table a friendly prosperous band…

1Hind – hindsight; going behind of your thoughts. Being in the gloom.

2Paladin – A knight in the service of the pope a so called honorary knight. Has come to mean holy knight in lore. A Champion of arcane might and divine powers. The name was given by Saladin as to mock Crusaders, for Saladin „was fighting for the truth” while Christians there „fighting for the pope” and not for Christ.

3Fire begets more H2+t+2O2=H2O...

Charge

„He also said to His disciples: “There was a certain rich man who had a steward, and an accusation was brought to him that this man was wasting his goods. So he called him and said to him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your stewardship, for you can no longer be steward.’ Then the steward said within himself, ‘What shall I do? For my master is taking the stewardship away from me. I cannot dig; I am ashamed to beg. ‘I have resolved what to do, that when I am put out of the stewardship, they may receive me into their houses.’ So he called every one of his master’s debtors to him, and said to the first, ‘How much do you owe my master?’ “And he said, ‘A hundred measures of oil.’ So he said to him, ‘Take your bill, and sit down quickly and write fifty.’ “Then he said to another, ‘And how much do you owe?’ So he said, ‘A hundred measures of wheat.’ And he said to him, ‘Take your bill, and write eighty.’ “So the master commended the unjust steward because he had dealt shrewdly. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in their generation than the sons of light.” Luke 16:1-8

This is one of the texts, that has incited the greatest disputes inside and outside Christendom and was one of the reasons, why the pharisees hated the guts of Jesus Christ. In Luke 16:14 the Gospel clearly cites that the pharisees derided Christ in so saying for they took great prominence into being the lawful citizen no matter the fact that they lived under roman dominion and occupation. So a teacher who teaches the simpletons of society that it is ok to steal and con – was not to their liking. Of course many Christians, including me, in my times in the seminaries, have tried to evade this passage by simply stating that the steward was wrongfully accused ant then did all that – but that doesn't make him any less of a thief, the problem what Jesus is addressing is not stealing and disloyalty in itself, though it is mentioned, but human reason while being a shrewd man. The problem is the necessity of “white lies”. The steward in this passage IS a con-artist and is really stealing form the coffers of his Master and Lord and is rightfully accused of wasting goods. So his Master had any reason to fire him – what makes this story significant is, that he didn't try to deny that fact but started to bribe all the clients of his master who had a debt with him. So that he doesn't have to do hard labor or beg. Being a man who wasted his Masters goods, he had no hopes of being liked by the simpletons of society, so going into the workforce of Israel also meant, that he must suffer the scolding and social bullying of the other workers, for being once rich and now being poor. So it is not unfathomable that he doesn't like that outlook in his life. So he chooses to bribe the clients of his Master, so they would treat him in their houses. Its still like begging but the socially more accepted form of that. Because he is able to think shrewd and that can be of those clients advantage. This is exactly how capitalism works these days, and why bankers and technocrats who made the great mess on wall street weren't held responsible. They knew too much and could damage the infrastructure of banking too much if they there to be held responsible. The government was simply too scared of them to let them get pissed, so this is why they there not accused of any crimes and got away with nothing. They could have done the same thing as this steward did.

So how many “white lies” can an economy suffer? If to think that the household in this parable there your life in God and the squandering of goods your sinfulness, then what about “white lies”. Those things that people do, to feel better, that they aren't actually lying but are doing the good thing around the aspect of good, but not inside of it. Like blues plays around the note and not the note itself.

What do I even mean by all that? To understand, what I mean, let us go to the normal Christian life and to the normal Christian thinking. Christians constantly use “white lies” to comfort themselves so not to feel wrong in front of the law. The first White lie that everybody has heard is:

1. “If you are a Christian – you are forever saved, for the Cross of Christ lasts forever for your transgressions as long you can repent from your sin.”

How does that look out in the parable? The steward is accused of squandering, admits it, and says he's sorry and expects for divine mercy for being a meek child of God. The Master looks with pity and disgust, that he had no idea, that he's steward was so criminally blond and has him put into prison til he pays the bill. Every child has learned from his/her parents that just saying sorry does not resolve anything – you have to feel like it, and sometimes you have to make up for it. The problem in Christianity is that we are not able to make up for it no matter what we do – so saying our sorry because Jesus loves us anyway is extremely disrespectful and insultive. So if you speed as a Christian and call yourself a child of God so to avoid a ticket from the officer, it is better you don't do it in Estonia. In some regions you can be fined the double amount for being Christian and speeding – especially if you are a pastor or mentor of the church. The more renowned you are in the social life of Estonia, the graver the punishment can be for you, then you admit it the wrong way. I wont regard you as a friend if you come ranting like this: “Hey ho I just bribed a police officer into submission while speeding, because I called myself a child of God and a pastor and he had pity on me.” Then I would respond to you like that: “This will hurt only for a second!!” and you will wake up in the ER room and I will file a comment at the police why I battered you near death. Lets try to avoid such personal encounters of the fifth kind, because I don't like aliens. And such Christians are very alien to me. So please don't do this in your life. If you wanna speed with your car, don't admit that you are a Christian and don't come bragging about to me! Period!

2. “Your brother has to forgive you your sins seven or seventy seven times seven times for being a faithful follower per day for Jesus told you so!”

Ri-ight! This is one of the reasons people actually rightfully hate the guts of Christians. Again, just as on the first motion – nobody has to forgive you anything, if you don't feel and act like you're sorry. Sorry is not a magic word that allows you to ditch responsibility. While you are expected not to hold grudges against your brother like you are not expected to live on steam all the time constantly reminding yourself who has wronged you how all the time, because that could give you a hole in your heart and you could suffer from high blood pressure; cancer; paranoia and depression. Not to mention that people don't like to live around a man or woman who constantly reminds them what they have done wrong – get over it. You got a life too, and not your hatred. Vengeance is God's stuff not because he is so jealous about it, but because it's not a healthy thing to constantly feel about. And sometimes we get things wrong and later are ourselves sorry for punishing the wrong guy for something. Don't punish yourself and others by understanding the Gospel wrong – have a responsible life and act. No Master of a household shall forgive his steward seven nor seventy seven times seven times per day! Ever! Or he goes broke!!

3. “You are not allowed to get mad, if you get mad, you are not a Christian!”

Please see previous section, thank you! Jesus also got mad on people, but he never held a grudge because of that, though he's opponents always did.

4. “If I lie to my family; parents; husband; children; workplace – it is acceptable, if I buy them presents afterwards or then they don't find out.”

Reflect back into parable – The Master is the simple kind like the main character of the book “Idiot” from Dostojevsky. Who was scientifically engineered to be always good and not evil. As a side effect he was unable to perceive lies and dishonesty by simply believing EVERYTHING someone did say to him, being the subject of abuse by all the people around him. And now the steward, while using his masters money buys him presents and the Master really doesn't find out and gets bankrupt and they both end on the street and the steward has to find a new idiot to feed on. Nice! So can we buy off God the same way, fellow Christians? Any takers? No? I didn't think so…

5. I can have more wives as a man of Christ if I can take care of them for look how many wives did Solomon or David had!”

So you are a king, in a country who's culture supports the tradition of having multiple wives and all your wives and all the people around you, know it that you have them like that, and are ok with it? Are you ok that your wives could have multiple husbands too, then they are Christian? No? Why not!?

Reflect onto parable. The steward was not just a steward for one Master but to many Masters in Israel, to waste goods, they found out and confronted him and slew him, so he could not tarnish their names ever further, then they went after his family (wife and children) if he had them and sold them into slavery to get what little money could be gained from them. Not a happy ending to say the least…

If people would know and see, most things would not happen inside the church – it's the very reason, that people don't know, that some men or women allow themselves such rights, what are not they right. One of the subroutines of that white lie is the tradition in Baptism, that if you are converting to Christianity and were divorced from your wife you can remarry without any hissing and snarling by the church, for anything happened in your unchristian life does not apply to your christian life because of the letters of St. Paul talking of that topic. Oh God, give me strength and faith against these kind of Christians. Because of men like these, divorce is on earth, then God meant that people should make up not brake up. Because of men like these, who think a woman is a ona-hole to be rented for a time and to be frown away then you don't like it anymore. Marriage is Marriage is Marriage. If you divorce you make it possible that people can commit adultery with your husband/wife – if you are marrying a divorced husband/wife you are commiting adultery. It does not matter who your other side there – if he/she was Christian or not; white; yellow; black or red. You loved him/her and now you don't and now you got to be a Christian and now you marrying a second time and need God's mercy for doing so, and not sublimation, because juridically speaking everything is according to the bible. No, its not!!

Reflect back onto parable: The steward takes everything what he can find in his Masters house of value and he could carry and makes a run for it to escape judgment – is sent back by the next Master who receives him, for he is just a petty thief who is on the run and gets scolded and humiliated on the marketplace in public. Has to give everything back, his family, if he has one, renounces him – even his parents. And he dies alone, because no one dares to offer to such work or food. If he gets stoned to death that would be considered mercy, because then he wouldn't have to starve to death. He's only hope is to find a place to go there people don't know him and start over under a new name with hard labor.

6. “I can sacrifice my son; family; friends to have servitude with God!”

So you're a prophet now, huh? Would you hire a man as your worker, then you know that he has a drinking problem; that he is disobedient and don't listen to the say of his peers and bullies other workers around while molesting the female workers? Well? The prophets of God are prophets not because they are great and awesome – they are owned by God just like the pimp owns his bitches. Are you that much possessed by God and did He say unto you “Sacrifice this and that in your life!” If not, than why are you bragging?! Does they know too that you could sacrifice them so easily? I mean – how many times do you have it your way on a given day? A prophet NEVER has his way EVER!! He is as free as a white sheet of paper in the hands of a writer. He's only freedom is stand and receive the words of God like written on him, and if he cannot give them like that, then he is cast away into the garbage. A prophet of God once was asked to make food on shit and he complained to God that he had never eaten unholy food and was allowed to use only cow shit and not human shit so he would not feel so unholy about it. But the order stood firm. A prophet had to name his children Maher Salal Haas-Bas; “Booty” and “Strife” for at they getting of age Israel would suffer humiliating defeat at his enemies and exiled into slavery. Was that nice as a father or being children of such father? But you say you wanna be such Prophet? FUCK YOU SQUAREWAYS AND SQREW YOUR KNEECAP!!! I don't even consider you human.

You can do this only if God asks you to, but as long God is not hounding you with such requests, shut the fuck up and don't give Him any ideas your family and household would not like. Being a prophet is the same as being possessed by an evil spirit for the word in Greek exousiai meaning being filled with does not imply good or bad it goes either way and it means nothing else is inside of you except that thing what is inside of you. And only he has a lip on what shall happen and not you! You wanna have a hamburger and Jesus says no – who has the last say? The prophet is the pussy of God and God is his Daddy! Understand and don't fuck with yourself!!

And on this subjects was the steward while being shrewd commended, for he didn't play nice and accepted being vile and went on with being that. Because of that men and women of the world have a greater chance of going to heaven as such, for they know exactly who they are, but Christians and Jews by lying to themselves they white lies not, for you can't lie to God. The moment you have the thought of lying to God, God already sees that and then he sees your lie and you believing that lie, that it worked and your sublimation and forget that this lie was not a lie but the truth for not being checked instantly. That's 5 counts of lying as one sin in your eye – you will only ask for forgiveness for one count and all the other 4 shall go unanswered and you will go to Heaven? Ri-ight! Why would God have a disloyal unfaithful servant. Such a servant is like a katana without a hilt. God wants to use you and you cut his hand and he lets you fall. A meek servant is like a gladius with a hilt – while a gladius is a close range short sword not capable with competing with a katana, if it had a hilt. Compared to the gladius the katana is a long range weapon what will cut the gladiator to shreds long before he manages to lunge into combat range. But that will never happen wihtout a hilt. So why should God care about some Christians spiritual abilities, then that doesn't include loyalty to God? Going to church and paying your 10% isn't necessarily loyalty – con-artists can do that do, if they want to woo somebody out of their belongings. Take the nice out of their lives and these so called Christians will be gone from church like the morning dew in the broad sun-light. Most of the people are Christian only because its their brand and it earns them profit. If that brand wont work they would find a new and better brand like the businessmen they are, not stick with the old and go Titanic with their lives. Most Christians don't wanna suffer until the end but want merits out of their faith.

If you are evil, than accept that and be evil – don't lie to yourself that you are good. Christians are always lying to themselves that they are good! If they there good, they wouldn't need the mercy of God to live on. A good man lives by his own right not by God's right because his right makes him God over his life! A Christian lives by Gods right because he accepted being dead in this world for his sins what brought Christ onto the cross (baptistry) and resurrected by God's Mercy and not Justice!! Mercy basically means that you failed a test in school and the teacher granted you a second run on it though you normally would not imply for that because you deserved to fail class and repeat it. For the other students didn't need mercy to have that test done. So how can that man, who had mercy scold someone for failing his/her test and saying: “You must repeat this class now, for you failed!” I mean, I haven't seen a single Christian who is righteous in front of the law and yet the Christians are those who demand to uphold the ten commandments! Why!!? They can't even uphold them by themselves and now those who aren't even Christians should be able to? How!!??! If they never witness that in a Christians life? Get out of town, bitch! And take your dog with you!!

If you're good, then you're godlike and not like the rest of humanity. That means, people should be able to see that in your life without you ever even mentioning that to them. I mean a 500 euro bill doesn't have to tell it to you what he is – you will grab him with fanatic frenzy in your eye looking in all directions if you see him lying on the pavement nobody around but you, happy that you found it! Only if something is wrong with that 500 euro bill would you need to say out loud what it is.

The same goes to Christians being Christian on the internet or anywhere – why would they say that out loud that they are. Can't they other words prove it by itself? You never say: “I am drinking milk now!” to your family if you are drinking milk, because they already know. Why would you say the simple and obvious things if people are able to understand normally? The steward did it simple and obvious and was thus received as such – and that angered the pharisees. Because they didn't like a teacher teaching that to the simpletons out of fear, that the simpletons would grow too smart-ass and would not accept their business nor teachings anymore. The pharisees constantly feared that Rome would come and take everything away from them. That's why they did not like Jesus! That in their eyes Jesus was corrupting the people just as Socrates was corrupting the youth of Athens. He made them know they don't know. A pharisee wants to be the master of faith to have his PhD or something else in Theology so he would have priority to charge for his motions he does while teaching or anything. But Jesus taught something else, what didn't needed the central body of church to be in its place. And for that he was crucified – granting people the torrent version of Faith to God! What made pharisees so pissed was that Jesus claimed that they can't serve money and God at the same time. I mean they there holding the offerings of Israel – the sodokite in the temples and they in the synagogues. So how on earth could Jesus say, that money and God doesn't fare well! But if you corrupt yourself than you open yourself for black-mail; for discovery that strips you from your office so you will loose all – so you cannot see that money as your own. Or else you will go insane like a dog in a supermarket in front of a meat counter. For a dog it is not understandable that there can be so much meat and nobody is eating that. If you see your offices finances as somewhat your own you present yourself to the same danger. Today you think this is mine; tomorrow you think I have some of mine. These are the stages a teenage shoplifter goes through before he can steal. 1) I want candy 2) I don't have the money to buy that candy 3) The shop has so much candy, but I don't 4) It is fair to have candy as a child 5) The shop wont go broke for me having this small quantity of candy 6) the boy steals candy sometimes they get caught and learn the lessons sometimes not and start stealing greater goods because they body was introduced with epinefrine (fear) and adrenaline (excite) and it felt good. All the fiefs in the world are in fact adrenaline and epinefrine junkies, for they didn't get caught or even if they were they felt it wasn't so big of a deal to stop that thought. I see it every day in my office being a security officer in a supermarket. Mothers with children coming to steal toys because they can't afford them but they child deserves them and the shop is evil for not giving em for free; grannies who want to bribe their grand-children so they would hang out more with them, but don't afford with their pensions that kind of love; Christians offering cheap redemption for the expense of living a certain way and dressing a certain way and acting a certain way while being unable to perceive the other who don't live like that as even humans. Do they own the Heavens that indulgences should grant anything in Heaven? What ever did Martin Luther say about indulgence? Money does not earn you anything in Heaven! Nor do good deeds – you don't praise your axe for being a good axe and doing his job great. You never even mention it. So why would God praise a Christian for Christian conduct? You only did what was expected of you, so what! If somebody chops wood with an axe he says: “I chopped wood!” not “My axe chopped wood!” the axe holds no personality in here and neither do the Christians in front of God so how on earth can somebody be angered that a non-Christian does not understand or does not care of him being a Christian and not respecting that. I mean, Christ was constantly disrespected – did he stop? No! Do Christians stop out of disrespect? Hell yeah!! That's what they do! How many Christians do you know who turn the other cheek? If you slap a Christina in the real world on the cheek he goes world war II on you and treats you like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I never saw a Christian who can turn the other cheek very well. I never liked that quote in the bible that I should be doing this – one of the reasons being bullied in school, for attending Sunday school and the other classmates knew about it. I always tried to fight back and not turn the other cheek, so they didn't believe my Christianity very much and I wasn't baptized back then and it didn't feel nice having it many ways. First feeling down for being bullied; second feeling down for having to turn the other cheek; third to not turn it and feeling down; fourth to feel the impact that I wasn't believed to be a christian there and feeling absolutely down. Just because I took the stance of a proud warrior who saw other people as a possible target to prove his faith against. Of course they had to fight against that. If I had understood turning the other cheek correctly back then, I wouldn't be so hostile with my body language and other stuff and would have found more understanding and friends. Turning the other cheek is like turning the next page and not getting stumbled on what happened on the previous page – not because you are weak and they are strong; but because they can be better, and you allow them to show themselves from a better point of view or don't care if they don't coas you will move on while they are having that problem and not you. It means don't accept alien shit in your brains – don't eat shit and die on it! Why would you accept any offense as though it is yours? Do you really wanna own your pain; your hurt; your humiliation, when you are saying to yourself: “This is happening because I am something bad and I have something less than he so I must feel bad about it…!” Why?? Why would you lie to yourself like that? Most bullies can bully because they victims don't fight back and accept it. A bully is always in fear of public renounce, so every time you play sheep, you encouraging the bully to bully you even more, because he felt good being godlike and you his subject. This is the reason why bullies should be constantly scolded by the public so they wouldn't take it for granted that some people are fair game for them because nobody really cares. Also The bully should be given positive reinforcement – so he could channel his angers in more positive ways, so he doesn't feel like he has to bully something around. Bullies bully because they feel jealous, because somebody gets undeserved attention from the teachers or others, so he proves by bullying that this kid is not so great at all.

If a boy calls you a bitch the proper response is not cry but: “What? You wanna fuck me that you see it that way, or you wanna date me?” give that shit back to the asshole and don't accept it!

If the boy scolds you for being fat like a pregnant chick - “Yeah! I am pregnant of you, what should we name yours?” Also “I wanna be the big moma in the opera who sings last!”

If you are ridiculed to be four eyes (glasses) “Glasses earn more than dicks!” There is always a calm solution to not accept the shit of somebody else who is not understanding you and labeling you. Why would you stop living your life for not finding belief in somebody else? You don't need the bully nor anybody to believe in you to live on. Let them pass and move on. Chaaaarge! It's your life and Your Self not theirs!

Pühak

„Aga ei ole sina, Jaakob, mind kutsunud, ei ole sina, Iisrael, minu pärast vaeva näinud! Sina ei ole mulle toonud põletusohvrite lambaid ega ole mind austanud oma tapaohvritega; mina pole sind pannud orjama roaohvriga ega ole vaevanud viirukiga. Sina ei ole mulle ostnud kalmuseid ega mind küllastanud oma tapaohvrite rasvaga, vaid sa oled mulle tüli teinud oma pattudega, oled mind vaevanud oma süütegudega! Mina, mina olen see, kes kustutab su üleastumised iseenese pärast ega tuleta meelde su patte!” Js 43:22-25

Läbi aegade on olnud koguduse ülesanne Jumala meeles pidamine ja austamine. Juba Iisraelis oli see koguduse vaimulikkonna olemasolu põhjuseks ja sisuks kuidas õigesti Jumalat austada, kuni tänapäevani. Ja ometi ütleb prohvet Jesaja siin kirjakohas, et Jumala meelest pole kogudus midagi sellest temale teinud. Jumal Jahve läheb lausa nii kaugele, et ütleb lahti kogu teenistusest, nagu poleks tema seda Iisraelile andnud. Nojah, siin on üks probleem, mida võiks tähistada ilmutuse või inspiratsiooni probleemiks. Kui pühak või prohvet midagi oma vaimusilmas näeb – kas see on siis Jumalast või iseendast? Tuleb välja, et Jumal annab inimestele palju vabadust seonduvalt vaba tahtega ja vaba kujutlusvõimega, mistõttu jumalateenistus on suuremalt osalt inimeste tehtud ja mitte Jumala tehtud. Sest Jumal võttes ühendust sureliku inimesega, ei saa ju rääkida omas keeles, mis oleks inimesele liiga suur ja kõikehõlmav, vaid end lihtsustama inimese tasemele, et inimene sellest aru saaks, kellel on seda tarvis – ja mitte Jumalal.

„Ja ärge arvake võivat öelda iseenestes: meil on Aabraham isaks; sest ma ütlen teile, et Jumal võib neist kividest äratada Aabrahamile lapsi.” Mt 3:9

Jumal olles kõikvõimas võib iga kell endale just sellise maailma ja teenistuse valmistada, nagu ise ihaldab, kuid siis ei saaks inimesed, nagu nad on loodud, sellest mingit osa. Selle pärast tuletab Jahve prohvet Jesaja kaudu Iisraelile meelde, kuidas Jaakob oli saanud Iisraeliks – iga õigeusklik juut ju teadis seda lugu, kuidas Jaakob, olles oma vanemalt vennalt esmasünniõiguse välja petnud, pidi isakodust põgenema, et ta vanem vend teda ära ei tapaks ja nägi välja peal magades nägemust taevasest trepist, kust inglid ülesse ja alla käisid ning seal samas oma sissetulekust viiendiku Jumalale lubas, et ta kartis oma elu eest. Hiljem templi teenistuses sai see alandatud kümnendikuks, sest enamus inimesi polnud nii tulihingelised ja kirglikud kui Jaakob, kellest sai Iisrael. Inimesed lubavad midagi Jumalale, mitte Jumal ei luba. Inimesed tahavad jumalateenistust, nagu Taavet oma ilusas kojas istudes tundis südametunnistust närimas, et seaduselaegas telgiriiete all ei näita vaimset olukorda Iisraelis õigesti. Oli ju Iisraeli kuningas ainult konstitutsiooniline monarh, kes rituaalselt valitses Iisraeli üle ja tegelikuks kuningaks oli Jahve Sebaot, nende Jumal! Ja kui siis kuningas Taavet, olles oma võimu Iisraelis kinnistanud, tundis südametunnistuse piinu seaduselaeka pärast, mis paistis vähemat au pälvivat kui tema. Sealt sai esimese Jumala templi ehitamise mõte alguse – et üks lihtne karjapoiss tundis oma südames: „Asjad ei ole õiged Iisraelimaal!” Ja esiti ta rääkis oma vennaga, kes oli juhtumisi Jahve prohvet, kes esiti ütles, et kuningas tehku nagu süda kutsub. Hiljem ta võttis selle sõna tagasi, kui sai ehtsa Jumala sõna, mis ütles midagi sarnast, kui Jesaja oli Iisraelile ütelnud:

"Vaata ometi, mina elan seedripuust kojas, aga Jumala laegas asub telgiriide all!" Ja Naatan ütles kuningale: "Mine tee kõik, mis sul südame peal on, sest Jahve on sinuga!" Aga selsamal ööl sündis, et Naatanile tuli Jahve sõna, kes ütles: "Mine ja ütle mu sulasele Taavetile: nõnda ütleb Jahve: kas sina tahad ehitada mulle elamiseks koja? Sest ma pole kojas elanud alates päevast, mil ma Iisraeli lapsed tõin Egiptusest välja, kuni tänapäevani, vaid ma olen rännanud telkelamus. Kus ma ka iganes kõigi Iisraeli lastega olen käinud, kas olen ma sõnagi lausunud mõnele Iisraeli suguharudest, keda ma olen käskinud oma Iisraeli rahvast karjasena hoida, ja öelnud: mispärast te ei ehita mulle seedripuust koda? Ja nüüd ütle mu sulasele Taavetile nõnda: nõnda ütleb vägede Jahve: ma olen sind võtnud karjamaalt pudulojuste järelt, et sa oleksid vürstiks mu rahvale Iisraelile! Ja ma olen sinuga olnud kõikjal, kus sa oled käinud, ja olen sinu eest hävitanud kõik su vaenlased. Ma tahan teha sulle suure nime, võrdseks suurimatele nimedele maa peal! Ja ma tahan määrata paiga oma Iisraeli rahvale ja teda nõnda istutada, et ta võib elada oma kohal ega tarvitse enam karta; ja pöörased inimesed ei tohi enam teda vaenata nagu varem ja sel ajal, kui ma seadsin kohtumõistjaid oma Iisraeli rahvale; ja ma annan sulle rahu kõigist su vaenlasist. Ja Jahve kuulutab sulle, et Jahve annab sulle järeltuleva soo! Kui su päevad täis saavad ja sa puhkad ühes oma vanematega, siis ma lasen tõusta sinu järglase pärast sind, kes väljub sinu niudeist, ja ma kinnitan tema kuningriigi. Tema ehitab mu nimele koja ja mina kinnitan tema kuningriigi aujärje igaveseks ajaks! Mina tahan olla temale isaks ja tema peab olema mulle pojaks! Kui ta eksib, siis ma karistan teda inimeste vitsaga ja inimlaste nuhtlustega! Aga mu heldus ei lahku temast, nõnda nagu ma selle ära võtsin Saulilt, kelle ma kõrvaldasin su eest! Ja su sugu ning su kuningriik püsivad mu ees igavesti, su aujärg on kinnitatud igaveseks!" 2Sm 7:2-16

Miks see on nii tähtis, kus Jumalat austatakse? Kas siis pole mitte ilusam, kui meil on ilus katedraal, mis mahutab 5000 inimest ja milles elab õnnelik kogudus, mis suudab seda ülal pidada ja pealegi suudab selline kõrgkiriklik hoone mahutada ka üllaid ja hingestatuid kontserte! Miks ei ole see mitte hea? Sellepärast et, tavaliselt ei ole ilusad katedraalid enam täis õnnelikke kogudusi, milles on 5000 liiget, hea kui seal on 500 liiget kuigi tavaliselt on seal siiski 50 liiget... Ja 50 liiget ei pea kuidagi moodi ilusat kirikut oma lihtsa eluga üleval – ja siis korraga saab selgeks, kui ilus selline kirikuelu tegelikult on, kui kristlased Jumala poole palvetamise ja õnnelik olemise asemel vaatavad tõsiste pilkudega ringi, kust kõrbest neid õlekõrsi leida, et neist telliseid valmistada ja siis ilusa teenistuse juurde tassida, et seda siit sealt putitada nagu „jumalariik nõuab” kui tegelikult ei ole see üldse jumalariik, mis inimestele nõudmisi esitab, vaid inimeste uhkus ja toredus. Palju lihtsam on ju kristlane olla katedraalis, nõnda et kõik näevad kui Kristlane sa oled, kui heinaküünis, kus keegi isegi ei tea seda, et kristlased seda oma teenistuse jaoks rendivad. Sest meie uhkus saab nii haavatud, kui meie õiglane teenistus saab mitte märgatud, kuidas meie oleme jumalale välja käristanud, nagu tema oleks mingi neitsi kõrges tornis, kes vajab vahva rüütli abi, et sealt jälle alla saada, sest kuri nõiamoor või lausa lohe valvab teda.

Ei! Jumal ei vaja sellist teenistust, ning hoopis kogudus peab oma hingi alandama sellelt kõrgilt mõttelt, kuidas nemad midagi Jumalale teevad – sest Jumal pole seda meilt palunud, vaid vaimulikud on selle meile andnud, et me võiksime ohutult Jumalale ligineda, et me ise ei julenud seda taodelda. Ja sellepärast kutsus prohvet Jesaja Iisraeli tema uhkuses ja upsakuses korrale, kes end imetles ilusa riigi ja jumalateenistuse pärast, mis Jumala ees ei maksnud midagi. Sest Jumalateenistus on nagu ilus sõrmus sõrmes või soeng – aga kui see ilusa sõrmusega mees või naine või ilusas soengus mees või naine ajab vanuri vöötrajal alla, kas tõesti hakkab siis see mees või naine end vabandama: „Sorry, juhtus nõnda, kuid kuna ma olen jumalalaps siis anna mulle seekord andeks!” Eks ta saab siis politseinikult või ükskõik kellelt piki tatti nii et tolmab... Sest ilusad asjad sinu keha küljes, ei korva sinu moraalseid ja sotsiaalseid kitsaskohti – ehkki need võivad muuta sinu häid iseloomu omadusi veel paremateks, kui nad seal õigesti on. Riie ei rikkuvat ju meest – kuid mees võib rikkuda riiet, tuleks sinna lõpetuseks otsa panna. Mis kasu on Jumalal sellisest Jumalateenistusest, mis on nagu ilus pintsak hullunud sarimõrtsuka seljas. Kas ilus pintsak teeb ta normaalseks ühiskonna tegelaseks, keda on võimalik usaldada; kelle kätte on võimalik oma vara ja perekonda usaldada? Ei! Ja veel kord, ei! Ometi käituvad kristlased ja juudid niimoodi, nagu oleks usk ja veel enam nende pühakojad, asjad iseeneses, mis iseenesest peavad lahenduse tooma. Kas võib sool, mis on topsis, kui sa seda õigesti toidule ei lisa, takistada sinu toidul tunduda magedana või lihal roiskuda? Eks sa pead ta ikka sealt topsist õigesti välja aitama, ja siis ta teeb oma tööd õigesti! Kas võib ükski tee sind kuhugi viia, kui sa seda mööda ise ei käi? Lihtsalt nii, et istud tee otsa maha, ja ootad, et jõuad pärale, sest teeviit ütleb sihtkohta mingi kilometraaži ja inimese keskmine kiirus on teine väärtus ja sina oma peas arvutad keskmise pärale jõudmise aja ning hakkad aega maha ootama, kuna sa „pärale jõuad”? Kõlab jaburalt? Kuid selline ongi meie usk, kui me jääme lootma, et keegi teine teeb meile kõik ette taha ära. Meie usk ja elu jäävad elamata ja toimumata, sest meie lihtsameelselt uskusime, et kõik toimub omasoodu ilma meie motivatsiooni või panuseta.

Seega võib ilus katedraal ainult siis edasi Ilusaks jääda, kui seal ka ilus teenistus toimub: Vaesed saavad almuseid; kodutud saavad öömaja ja toitu ning head sõna; lohutud leiavad lohtu ja kohtlased õpetust; need, kes tahavad pühenduda Jumalale, ei kohta tuima poliitkorrektset kõnepruuki, kuidas ei tohi teiste tundmusi oma usuga riivata; vanurid leiavad oma õiglase pensioni ja ei pea seda riigilt nuiama jne. Kuid kui paljud kristlikud kogudused vastavad sellistele kriteeriumitele. Minu silmis sarnanevad kristlikud kogudused pigemini ajalooliste larpimis ühendustena, kus inimesed mängivad mingit sotsiaalrolli ja ei ole ehtsalt kristlased, kuna see oleks liiga kulukas. Aga miks peaks Jumal Larpi ülal pidama, kui seal kõrval lapsi pilastatakse ühiskonnas ikka edasi ja seadus karistab hoopis ohvrit tehes tema andmed kõik avalikuks kuid muutes süüdlase andmed ülisalajaseks suurest kartusest, et keegi pedofiili võiks maha koksata. Nii kaua kui ühiskond on kreenis kurjategijate õiguste kaitse poole, ei ole kristlastel õigust oma kodade pühaduse peale – sest neid tuleb hüüda palve kodadeks, mitte kontserdi ja täidlase ilutsemise kodadeks. Kuidas saab Jumala kojas ilutseda, kui mõni mees võib metsas püssiga teise mehe koerte peale jahti pidada ja nad peremehe kõrval maha lasta, ning kohus ei leia süüdlast üles. Kui mõni naine võib minna kirikusse oma sõpradega purjutama, kuid on ikka ühiskonnas arvamusliider ja staarike? Kui mõni ärimees teeb nahaalselt pankrotti ning on halb äripartner kuid ei näe endas süüd vaid ainult oma õigust kasumit välja võtta jättes vastutuse ligimesele, nagu loos Suur Peeter ja Väike Peeter asi moonakotiga oli. Aga Jumalal peaks olema hea meel oma ilusast katedraalist või pühakojast, kus inimesed õhkavad toredaid mõtteid. Kas ta ei peaks pigemini Eestimaale vee peale tõmbama, et see on oma vabaduse aja julmalt maha raisanud ja pole mõtelnud kurjale tulevikule, mis võib idast või läänest terendada. Mis on Eesti elu mõte, peale viie rikkaima riigi hulka saamine? Selline on viie rikkaima riigi moraalne pale praegust:

1. Poliitilised debatid on sildistatud ja žabloonitud. Kõik, mis ei mahu etteantud žabloonide sisse, kandub kohe mõne negatiivse sildi alla, karistuseks selle eest, et ei lasnud end prokrustuse sängi venitada või suruda.
2. Ühiskond on killustunud huvigruppideks, kellel puudub ühisosa – mida ka ei otsita. Sest ühisosa sildistatakse assimilatsioonina või mõne muu toreda sõimusõnaga, mis peab hoidma inimesed oma getodes.
3. Sotsiaalne võrdsus on kadunud, kuna seda otsitakse liiga palju sõnades; väljendites ja avalikes esinemistes, nõnda et ei jää enam aega tegelikuks eluks, sest kõik on ametis tõestamisega, kuidas nad ei ole kaamelid ja elevandid ning mahuvad nõelasilmast läbi.
4. Soorollid on kaotanud oma loomuliku toimevälja ning loomulik häbitunne ja ujedus on agressiivselt taunitud kui foobiline käitumine. Püütakse pidevalt leida, kuidas naine või elada nagu mees või mees elada nagu naine või mõlemad elada oma soorolle ja seksuaalsust eraldi mingi kolmanda vormina.
5. Kuna kõik on nii ametis oma õiguse taga ajamisega, siis on enamus inimesi vaimselt ja sotsiaalselt läbi põlenud ja kibestunud, tehes nad võimetuks mõistma teiste inimeste valu ja kannatusi, kui nende endi valu ja kannatused on jäänud endi ja ühiskonna poolt lahti mõtestamata.
6. Keegi ei usu enam seadusandlusesse – sest advokaadid on veenvalt tõestanud, kuidas saab valget mustaks ja musta valgeks rääkida.
7. Keegi ei austa riigivanemaid, kes on rohkem mures oma palga pärast ja selle pärast kuidas kärpida hoolealuste toetusi ja lahtreid aga mitte endi kuluhüvitisi või muid absurdeid asju, mida on liiga palju nõnda et ei jää aega tegeliku töö tegemiseks, sest üks kampaania ajab teist taga.
8. Ja kõige üle kuhjub ülev informatsiooni üleküllus ja reklaamindus, mis on inimesed teabega üle koormanud ja nuumanud, nõnda et ka kolmanda järgu soolapuhuja tundub selle pildi juures nagu sõõm värsket õhku on kalale, kes tuli karmil pakasel kinni kaanetunud järve jäässe löödud auku hingama, sest valgust ei paistnud põhja, et seal piisavalt õhku oleks.

Ja sellepärast ongi inimesed nii vaevatud ja koormatud ning lähevad muuhulgas islami terroristideks, sest nad on igati vaevatud ja piinatud, tundmata oma loomulikke juuri. Ja selle vastu rääkis prohvet Jesaja, olles kalli teenistuse vastu, rääkides südame teenistuse ülevusest, kus me laseme Jumalal endile andestada, ning läheme edasi väärikal viisil, mitte ületrumpajalikult, jättes oma lastelastele kõrged poosetamisarved. Sest kellele on vaja ilusat teenistust, kui sotsiaalselt ja vaimselt ühiskond ei parane. Või tahavad inimesed öelda, et vägistaja ei julge vägistada või varas varastada, et kirikutorn silmapiiril paistab. Lutheri ajal Itaalias olid kohalikud prostituudid lausa nii vahvad, et pakkusid vaimulikele kristlase allahindlust – sest kirikul oli piisavalt raha, et sellist teenust tarbida ja keegi ei julenud seda hukka mõista peale väikse kolka jutlustaja, nimeks Martin Luther. Äkki oli neil vaimulikel meelest läinud kui kalli hinna eest, nad on siit elust ära kutsutud, teenima Jahve Sebaotti ja tema Kristust Jeesust ja Püha Vaimu? Ja siis imestavad need samad vaimulikud, miks kogudus kiratseb ja inimesed lahkuvad usu juurest, samas kui siin seal pedofiilid ja muidu imelikud vaimuliku ametisse sisse poevad. Vargad tahavad ju ka turvameeste ja vahimeestega semud olla, et oleks parem majja või poodi sisse murda ja varastada – mis seal nii väga imestada. Haletsusväärne on hoopis kuulda neid palveid, mis selle peale tulevad kristlaste suust, nagu see oleks suur Saatana kiusamine ja mitte oma nürimeelsus. Mida siis veel oodata, kui kristlane käitub nagu Louis Lane, kes isegi, kui ta aknast välja heidetakse, ei pea meelt heitma, sest kui ta kisendab: „Appi Superman!” siis tuleb abistaja kohale lennates ja päästab ta mehiselt ära ning annab ka kurjamitele molli ning laseb ajakirjanikul oma tööga hakkama saada. Teatud mõttes on Superman kõige iroonilisem koomiks üldse – ta näitab välja kuidas ühiskond ei toimi, sest ta vajab kangelasi, samas tehes nende esiletõusu võimatuks, kuna kui tema identiteet saab teatavaks, hakatakse teda samuti taga kiusama nagu Jeesust tema elu ajal ja siis ei tee ta enam nii palju imetegusid, kui kõik oma kallutatud poliitkorrektori pilguga tema küljes ripuvad, et mida nüüd pühak teeb või mõtleb või ütleb.

Me oleme ise süüdi, et Jumala ärkamisi ei sünni ja Jumala prohveteid pole meie seas, sest me oleme liiga ära hellitatud igasuguste kuulujuttudega – või siis ära hirmutatud, et meil poleks selleks lihtsalt aega. Sest oma poosi ja välja mõeldud rolli või avatari elus hoidmine on palju kulukam ja kurnavam kui oma tegeliku elu elamine, kui tegelik elu ei too nii palju loorbereid.

Mis on sinu elu mõte – kas ilusa kiriku ehitamine, et inimesed sind näeksid, või oma elu elamine ja selle väärtustamine, et sa ühiskonnas ja sotsiaalgrupis olemas oleksid. Selles on küsimus – rohkem praktilist halastavat usku ja vähem ohvreid!!