I was inclined to write this, after watching some really great Youtube videos about anxiety and suicide. I'm not an expert on this topic, nor do I possess any kind of decree. I just like to write poetry and comment on other peoples content. Just take me as a fellow monkey, who eats your ticks...
Having problems with depression and anxiety myself (Sounds to himself like Gilderoy Lockhart) I found Gestalt Therapy - the only psychological discourse, you can arbiter to yourself, without seeing a doctor. Because coming from a post soviet state, I'm mortally afraid of doctors, just like Americans are afraid of clowns, after seeing "It". Some doctors worked together with the KGB and helped to social engineer them
into "better" people, and Christians didn't fare quite well, for being duped suspicious by the communists. And here I am myself a Communist/ Christian/ lover of Nietzsche's philosophy and poetry (laughs like proffessor Slughorn) Also I really like doing things myself (sounds like Tom Riddle)
Being all the time in the clouds or into the woods, as it's said, I had a hard time finding friends. So I learned a lot and read... and created my own friends, in a Sasori (Naruto) sort of manner. Because puppets can never betray you - they are not alive, so they can do neither good nor evil. But you're not really alive around the dead. (sounds like Rubeus Hagrid) Creating your imaginary friends can only help you so far, as long you realize it. They're an means to an end, and not real. (Sounds like Hermione Granger)
If you're feeling inadequate, work against it (sounds like Harry Potter) not by chanting, I'm not feeling pain - cause you're feeling it! (fight-club) By transforming the pain into pleasure. First of all - DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME ALONE - you will mess up in the beginning, I can promise you, and you might not be an elegant egotist (from Yugioh series) to be able to stick to your agenda. Find a friend or peer you trust, who reads your diary, as you write your imaginary stories in there, just in case it gets over-board. I have done a lot of meditation; witch-craft and other dubious stuff, before finding solutions, what fitted my character. I hope nobody would have to go through my hell's journey and risk eternal damnation, as I did. At a point in my life, I was even a Satanist. Now it makes me sick, then I see Christians, like Pastor Jeff, gloating about "people who like to destroy their Self!" if a person feels the reality around him/her is so surreal, that he/she rather destroys himself/herself in every conceivable way, that deserves compassion and not ridicule. Anxious and depressed people, by all means, feel disconnected from the society - and it doesn't help if you rub it in by stating what they have, to incline that they are still connected and are just imagining it... It doesn't help your computer, then the IT guy puts a hand on the tower and says, "there there, job done!" Still many depressed people, get exactly that kind of service, because people feel ashamed to be related to a depressed person. And the person in it also!!
So what to do, when you have a craving like in the Snickers commercial I so adore, there you're hungry, but not really hungry, and that urge makes your Mogwai turn into a Gremlin? Find out three things. (Sound like Dumbledore)
1. Purpose: What do you want to achieve.
2. Method: How do you want to achieve your goal.
3. Result: How should your achievement look like.
So in mathematical terms P+M=R while P=R So how to do something there the Method must be invisible and translucent from the action, so you wont notice it anymore, after mission is accomplished? Relax most of the times Purpose and Result don't add up, because of the Method you chose, getting too self-important and evident. Again, I'm not a PHD nor MD nor anything. I merely had a discontinued theology study because I couldn't take Eduard Lohse, while having to write a dissertation on one of his books, due to the fact that the guy was flirting with atheism and science in order to look more classy, while being a Christian pastor, what concluded in his notorious sentence, that he is unable to find Jesus in the Bible! That was not the reason why I became a Christian and enlisted in a Seminary to have a degree and become a pastor. To have a wise-ass dimwit tell me how he can't do his job - finding Jesus in the Bible in a scientific language! That's why you become a theologian. How would you feel then your mechanic comes to you and advises against a gasoline engine in your car, then you asked him to fix that car? You would find a new mechanic, who doesn't have an issue against the primal principle of your request - driving a gasoline engine car. You never asked that guy about Tesla generators and stuff. You had a not working gasoline driven car, you wanted to operate as a gasoline driven car. You didn't wanna upgrade - you wanted to enjoy the experience you already got. And then comes a guy, you hired for that job, and starts telling you something, you didn't ask about. That's how I felt reading about Eduard Lohse, and having to write something about it. So I wrote a play about it, and while the teacher was really amused about it. It didn't apply what he was expecting from this class. I knew it too, then I was purposely botching that chance of mine, while this scholarship was half-payed by my pastor himself I deeply respected and revered. and the other part came from a student loan, I took. But I didn't sign up for this. Becoming a gloater, who laughs about his own ideals, in order to be credited by the scientists. I don't need to be credible by the outside, for just as Jesus once told, things from the outside don't corrupt you, things from the inside do! I only have to own integrity before me and God, and that didn't cut it for me...
So I don't belong to my church anymore - not even my former pastor belongs there - just because they there scared of teenagers and adapting to their needs while holding fast to Lohse! I couldn't live with the sarcasm and irony of that... (Sounds like Delfador - Wesnoth)
You have to deal with your insides, because that's there your demons hide, as one of my favorite songs tells. That can elevate or destroy you. Standing in front of the mirror of Erised (Desire backwards - Harry Potter) wanting to find something you don't want to use/abuse!! That's the +-1 what comes from the Method...
Just like in Harry Potter: If you let yourself possessed by Voldemort in order to find true power and meaning of Evil, you might loose too much and not achieve your true goal, what professor Quirell had - being a good teacher of his class.) You have to be detached of your faculty while not being absent-minded of it... You can't be possessed by it in such length that you would kill Harry Potter, who you previously worshiped the ground underneath level. Be sensible and know who you are. (Gnothi seauthon - Greek proverb Socrates was greatly against it, because it was widely abused to gloat your beliefs about yourself and not actual knowledge about yourself. The most notorious was then he took a sign down from an entrance of a villa so the owner could enter, because it stated and oxymoron: "Only the wise can enter!" It's not a wise thing to say that you think yourself wise and want to troll people into confusion on your doorstep as they answer your possible invitation, for it was rood to ignore one, so how should someone fare in front of such sign and not feeling wise enough to enter, while still possessing integrity to notice such oddity, then that person dost not want to dish the landlord? Simply put, not even God can enter such a house!! ) You can only ask yourself to know yourself, without ringing the bell and having a shout out of it... Know why you are that and what you want to achieve in being so and so! That is the real purpose of your life, and no pastor nor mayor nor anybody else can tell you about it but YOU! (Sounds like Sirius Black/Severus Snape in one person)
Seconds: DON'T DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR METHOD!
Many Christians are method oriented and not mission oriented. They copy-paste the method, what worked in the past, while not understanding why it worked then and dost not work now. In contrast they are like a pazer-chessplayer who only comments copies famous chess player moves and dost not understand his losses, because time does not stand still and people learn from their mistakes and invent new moves and strategies. Try to be something so that people don't notice your method. Just like with pickpockets, if people notice you, you did something wrong and you're out. People don't draw their attention to water flowing in the river, because the river don't send a tweet about flowing in the river. The wind assailing over the mountain and around it, doesn't shout about it and gets unnoticed - but you definitely notice the shouts and tweets of "Christians" how they defeated the Devil; how they shouted an awesome sermon; how they owned their opponent. While Jesus asks us to turn the other cheek. How very Christian of them, I'd rather read Nietzsche, than converse with such people or enjoy the play of Fischer, although mostly he was a picky bitch, when it came to cameras and other stuff related to respect towards chess-players from the Soviet Union, but his insight was priceless... Those two person didn't wanna be perfect Christian embodyments, just like Sören Kierkegaard, fighting his local establishment inside the church, didn't wanna - but I've learned more about true Christendom from those "non-Christians" than from "actual Christians". Why is it that?
Maybe because the method has possessed the cause, and taken the place and roll of God himself? The same issue is with SJW but since I'm not gay nor any other thing inside, I don't want to talk about this. Being a white male with odd tastes, I have enough demons of my own to fight, so I don't need seconds from SJW, thank you very much...
So if you wanna get rid of depression, which I do through poetry and Christendom - that's my bias - find something you believe in no matter what. Even if the world ends in a zombie apocalypse now, what is the thing you wont part from! Expect it do be a journey not a one shot effect. It's not an instant you can play in MTG unless you think your depression, being your opponent, can mana-leak it, owning the worsed control deck you could imagine... It's all about imagination. Sometimes its good, sometimes its evil... the choice is yours which one will take priority over you - the good or the evil. You can be your own personal Jesus... Yet another song I like and admire. (Sounds like Gandalf - Lord of the Rings)
Thirds: BE VIGILANT AND RELENTLESS IN YOUR QUEST!
If something is right it's worthy of pursuit, even if all your friends disavow you Mission Impossible stile... You can't rage-quit your life like some MTG players for loosing a game or not getting their mechanic to work, because of something. That's what suiciding for me really means. You're rage-quitting, giving up on your goals and friends, who trusted and respected you, and you didn't notice em, while being truncated with pain and misery. A lot of things can truncate your senses. Alcohol; staying up too long; too much religion or politics etc. You're taking a shortcut in your actions and sometimes when you do, your A2+B2=C2 becomes A4+B4 / C4, because you reason got shorted out and you cast the baby out with the dirty water so to speak. Don't add things up on top of your Quest. Know what you really want Kill Bill stile. The Indians at Wounded Knee had a worthy cause, they there fighting for their land and cultural inheritance. They there doing it the wrong way, by listening to a false prophet and got butchered. Did the US government and its representatives stop them doing a mistake? Hell no! That's what they needed to get the entire cake and not just a piece of it. They capitalized on that mistake to make the Indians look like witches and trial them by their own errors. And the Indians lost everything! They there committing a ritual social suicide... be better than that and don't give in to your bullies. Be a better person by not letting your Batman turn to Joker or more importantly - your Harvey Dent turn to Two-Face!! Take your luck into your own account, but acknowledge that not always you get things done your way, sometimes you have to go Highway Matrix stile - and you're the key-master. Shit will happen to you; to your loved ones; bad people get excused from their negative Karma on your watch, and you can do very little to nothing against it, while some people are praising that status quo. That's life for you! Touche - c'est la vie! But you can live betters than that and not rage-quit! I chose poetry for that. what will you choose! (Sounds like Walgekaaren (Whiteraven - odd cookie)- Myself)
PS: Don't forget to laugh about yourself and chill every now and then just as I learned from Nietzche's laughing lion! Being too serious is the root of all evil, just like having too much money - because seriousness is the ghost-click currency of society you credit things due. And you can overwhelm and underrate things.
If interest presents itself, I may write more about it - either from myself or readers (why would there be?) til then peace out; respect and Godspeed!
No comments:
Post a Comment