Rage - Quit, what's the indifference?

Inspired by https://youtu.be/uwR2kVOcwNI

This Essay talks about Enlightenment. What does it mean to you, if you're enlightened? Does it make you a Godlike creature, shooting Kame-Hame-Ha's from your balm like in ROTT (Rise of The Triad)? Is it, like Neo, Flying around and jumping inside agents, to kill from whithin? How does that contemplation helps You -- the average free loader on the internet, being bored and sad, and not knowing what yo do with himself or his spare time. The problem about life is not Existence per se, but it ultimatively means to you and others around you.

A heavy drinker, who has guzzled down all his wealth with hookers can have zen; a binge-eater who lives his last breathes in the infirmary because of Diabetes also. Death draws us closer to the Truth, what a life could be worth, which is not to say, I'd aprove those kind of ways, but for reference and practical notion of an ignorants amusement. We all should know, like Socrates, that we know jack shit about anything. Or how was the famous quote in "Revolver" "Experts know Jack shit about anything!" When Buddha encountered zen, it approached him in his highest wealth and luxury, then his parents went to great lengths in hiding the Truth from him. It was in the guise of a toothless oldster. The Truth, like said in Blood 2 behind the door, waiting to be let in: "Everybody Dies!!" A good name for your firstborn, I can promise you, if you don't take it too seriously... Joker is my favoriite character after all, so you should always know, even if I speek the truth, I am lying, and if I am lying it is so, to tell the Truth. It's my way to paraphraze Lao Zi's "Those who know, don't speak, and those, who speak don't know!"

The problem is our perception. We see a physical world, filled with ideas, created inside out minds, to describe that physical world, we can see; touch; taste and hear. The problem is -- how could we trust those sources of information? Every child encounters at a certain part of his development the notion, what is between being awaken and being inside a dream state. What does it mean, if you wake up? Did you really wake up, or did you actually started dreaming, and your dream state is, you waking up!! Or the Question: "Can God create a boulder He cannot lift?" If He can -- he is not omnipotent, because he failed to lift something He Himself created; If he can't He is simply impotent per se, because He failed in exceeding His limitations -- something that humans experience in everyday life, that your limitations are just assumptions on the paper, and mean nothing... I mean, we can already fly with planes; submerge under water with submarines and stay there indefinitely; go into space etc. What is this "I can't!" there? Yet, it doesn't answer our biggest craving, to know the truth. What does it mean to exist and to think?

Even then you have it all -- let us delve into a computer game. Let us assume, that you're playing Diablo 3 and have met all the possible achievements. Would you be happy? What would that game have to offer to you in the future? It's not the point, that all games need to end some day, for as a reference to your life -- I hope not any time soon!! Otherwise it would be suicidal and I'd see you sought educated help, either in a church or at a hot-line...

It matters, that what you do is not only challenging, but the challenge is relishing and selfcontaining. Like Batman forever fighting Joker, none gaining the upper hand, while häving minuscule day to day savings...

The Truth is, as to paraphrase dr. House "Everybody Lies!" The reasons might be different, but it is to tell our story-lines. To be approved by our Self and the Community, we wanna be a part of, even if that part is one of a Rogue, soon to be executed for his transgressions. Pride has a funny way with peoples minds. Even the smallest dog can have it, and refuse water from his mug, if he feels cheated out of it... "Everybody wants to rule the World!" as the song by Mojo Jojo paraphrased... adding insult to injury or being so close yet so far to enlightenment. Being a poet really sucks sometimes. When others see words in a normal way -- I see "In-Sult" (Deus vult+random quote from the bible) "In-Jury" etc. I see multiple ways to meme you 'til Kingdom Come and Oblivion. One of my favoriite poems, I myself wrote in Estonian, was:

"Jumal polnud kodus"

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

vaid üksik alandlik ning leinas äng

ja laual sulas viimne - küünal kooldus -

kirjake; ning rebit piiblist silmamäng.

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

mõned ohked siiski kostsid peegli varjel

kuradid ning inglid vereloigu rodus

makk sai pööratud kui viimsepäevakarjel.

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

üks koristaja siiski konte korjas

et nõudis oma seadust õilis loodus

kui pühakuks ja siiski nagu orjaks...

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

ta saatis siiski kirja mõnelt kaugelt maalt

ning nõnda ripub ristil meie lootus

ning kaugeks jäänud verekastest maal.

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

must ängistus mind nööris taeva vahel

ning maast sai põrgukatel soodus

ja mõtetest jäi üle nõutu kahvel...

Sel päeval Jumalat ei olnud kodus

ja isegi ma õnneks endast väljas

kui siiliks kojale ma Kalevite udus

vaid murtud mask veel kujuritenäljas.

If I would have to put it in English I would gringe as soon, as I'm done with the title, which is "God was not home!" The reason being, its so hard to translate your own stuff, without feeling, that something was lost in the translation... Or bastardized... Ah well, lets try our best, shall we...

"God was not home!"

On this day, God was not homie;

only a solitary humble grievous despair.

On the table melting, the last cowering candle;

a letter, a torn out bible quotes hypo-game.

On this day, God was not homie;

some sighs there bellowed underneath a mirror.

Devils and Angels trampling on a pool of blood --

the getospeaker jammed on Doomsday screeches arch.

On this day, God was not homie;

a custodian still was relichunting bonnes.

A Noble Nature craving owns rulings

to be a Saint, albeit in forms of servor.

On this day, God was not homie;

I still received a letter form afar.

The Gospel said: "Thus hangs He there"

so close and yet so far that gory frame.

On this day, God was not homie;

dark anguish dreading me between the Heavens.

The earth seemed couldroned to a Hellish pitch discounted;

and thoughts offended only sudden forks on the board.

On this day, God was not homie;

I was happily ever after out of myself.

To be the hedgehog for court in the fog of Kalev;

but a broken mask, awaiting for the sculptor.

Isn't it ugly and hideous... I wrote it, when I was in depression and didn't know what to do. Got some really nice comments on that, assuming, that I was drunk or something. It really sounds like that too...

That's how zen can look like for you. Only you can tell, what its worth!! For its Just Us -- Me; Myself and I -- who form your halls of Justice... Your right and wrong. Even if you're religious or not... What does it mean to be You? Have you ever asquewed yourself and sqewered the real meanings and what if dont's to find your sugarcanes and nutcases. Does your Sugar-Kane live or is He broken on the street and trampled forlorn? It sounds poetic and funny, but someday you gotta ask it from you. What does it mean to be You? What is it for You? Even Guy Fawkes had Zen, what cost him his life and reputation; Barabas had zen, when he was vagered with Christ! Zen is neither positive nor negative, it merely Is! Your general value for Yourself!! Are you Bankrupt or Are you Winning -- does it even matter to you! Do you wanna Rage or Do you wanna Quit; maybe a little bit of both, with some indulgence from the Pope, lest to be totally lost. People wanna know, like Judas in "Jesus Christ, Superstar" They wanna be sure of themselves before the commitment.  It's not a bad trait -- most of the time we're not given that choice... Tough luck, is the only choice we get and give to the World... If luck was the Big Easy, it wouldn't be valuable... That is the reason, at least for me, why boasting is before the Fall, or why there is a "dis" before the "Aster" what Robin in "Young Justice" didn't understand... It makes the Aster valuable, that you can have it by avoiding the "Disaster" Sometimes, not because you did it, like with Barabas, but because you had a sucker-punch from Life itself!! Not even in Wealth -- or in Virtue -- dost it mean anything, what you own, to what you gonna be and mean. Solomon was the smartest and richest -- according to the Bible -- who ever lived/shall ever live. Let is sink in for a while. And yet he botched it all for some wives to fuck and worship with their false idols, Nobody forced him, besides his groin. And that was the Smartest and the Richest. What are you gonna do about it? What will be your say in your life? What is your indifference? In the movie, the monk sais: "Men are weak -- thus they lie!" but I don't agree with it. If lying happened only because of weakness, it would be easily snuffed out by maturity and education. No, lying flourishes, because its like a bribe, what enables us, gives us a gleam of grandeur, what the Truth dost not have. Lying empowers us -- to do Evil deeds... even, then we just lie to ourselves, playing mindgames with ourselves... It doesn't need a devil to make you evil or an angel to make you good. It's all about Us -- Me; Myself and I!! The Holy Trinity of Self. What does the Name Yahveh mean? "I am!" What are you to Yourself? Not to others, because that can change, like a Sith-Dream or jedi-nightmare... Are you The One, or just merely Belittled Big Easy?

Preaching has been in my blood for so long, even before I got baptized. Sorry, if you find it obnoxious and condescending, it's not on purpouse, albeit it could be deus lo vult... How many lies and purposes did you count in the stories of the four lies? What there the means and the end of them? Ryonosuke Akutagawa, who wrote the Novel, on which Akira Kurosawa made this famous movie, was a Giant of his time. Even after his unsightly suicide, I think so. A true Superman, like Nietzsche would have fathomed. And yet, in the end, he was morally bankrupt, being so renowned as a writer to his contemporaries. Knowledge and Fame, isn't Everything, in the World. You could see it all, and bow down, and yet not be satisfied, for the reflections of Self are endless and boundless. The heart will never cease craving and the soul never cease wondering against it.

Before you assume anything -- I don't wanna convert anybody!! Yes, I am a Christian, and sigh... Yeah, I went into a Bible School, to become a Pastor to serve God. I always felt that calling... Nothing makes me more happy to seeing youths gush about Jesus Christ like I was then it struck me at the age of 6. All the preaching came later, because I was shy as fuck... But I don't want to change anybodies nature -- 1. Because I agree with Nietzsche, that it would be horrid indeed 2. Because that's not what Jesus was teaching. 3. I'm not audacious enough anymore that people convert people, lest God deus vultures from Heaven!! When I read the bible, I just roll my eyes and scratch my head. Those people, who become annointed, are total fuck ups!! Moses kills a guy in moral outrage and has to run from the law! David cheats with Uriahs wife and kills Uriah. Jacob is a grifter, cheating his older brother out of the inheritance etc... And the Jews are happy/ proud about their success-story?! Halleluyah! What does it tell you about, then somebody sacrifizes his first born son, to die for subjects who are not even loyal to your cause, to make them become loyal, because you sacrifized and resurrected him? That is the Christian Gospel summed up in one question! How many would do that for Adolf Hitler or Jossif Stalin? Or Even for Judas Iskariot?? "For your own brother transgressing against you?? I wouldn't do it!! And yet its so, that Yahweh royally fucked his Son on the cross, so we would have a life in Heaven? Halleluyah! What does it even matter, that he was resurrected on Sunday, while being betrayed on Fryday by his closest friend - one of the Apostles; who also carried his purse, with all the donations and savings they had gathered... Let that sink in! Of all the people, who could have betrayed Jesus, it was the brightest and most intelligeable. Halleluyah!

The same notion is in the movie and in the novel -- for what do you have, if you can't even assume, that people mostly tell the Truth, and don't lie and frolic with their kins waifu! What can you have, then there is nothing to believe? What is the Truth? What is the Reality? What does it mean for your indifference? What does it drive you henseforth to do? Those are the real questons to asqew...

In fact, I would say, that Rashomon be it the novel or the movie, is the best conversion tool, I could think of -- to show off, how we transcend from story-line to story-line like a game of chess or MTG. Too bad, you can't merge them together, or could you... furthermore, who's side do you wanna be 1. The side of the Criminal; 2. The Wife; 3. The Husband (the summoner, for at that time the person in question, was already dead sic!) or  4. the lumberjack? Do you wanna be the laughing spectator or the dismayed priest? In a way, this movie and that novel, are like "The Nightwatch" by Rembrandt. It's more that a story, breaking the 4th wall and questioning our boundaries and morals itself... I don't wanna gossip too much on the awesomeness of those two, I mentioned, the book and the movie, but it tells a lot about ourselves, which side we take in those matters. Please also look at this take: https://youtu.be/0vVETFktVNQ It's not me, but I liked it. What does the "Subjectivity of Truth" and "Quicksand of Ego" really mean? When we normally believe, or say we ought to: "The Truth is subjective!" it's like we want to convince ourselves and the others, it is so. As though, we wanna strap reality off of the burden of being misconstrued to ourself or somebody else, having to take the blame of a morally faulty decition -- even them, we don't normally believe in Morals of the Absolute Kind!! The outline and way, how the movie was shot, makes it painfully obvious, how ugly the "true take" was, compared to the prior stories, and why it was not given in the court. That is, if it was the full truth and nothing but. There is no evidence for that -- and that is the marvel and ingenious of them both! Nobody won!! It was a total gringe fest -- nobody wanted to remember anymore. The Lumberjack was not proud of himself, having witnessed and telling the most parts of the truth, to say the whole truth afterwards, for he didn't intervene -- and that changes everything for the audience! He had a lot to loose, coming forward, for not being a knight in shining armor and not doing the right thing... Can you Rage; Quit or Indifference in such a story, like the fabled Microsoft joke about "Abort; Retry; Fail!" How does it provide closure for you, after hearing all the takes and summing them up? What happened and what does it mean to you and for your future and faith in life itself? What is the Truth after that? Let it be said, that both, Akutagawa and Kurosawa there knowing their own culture, and knew what they there doing and saying. It was so incredible, like reading the Prince of Niccolo Macciavelli, who dares to utter, that the King is nude (A fairy-tale reference) Nobody ever did thus!! Both the novel and the movie, groundbreakingly shook the world, like the coming of the Christ for the Christians. This is also the reason, why I envision all of it together... Pick your poison, what you wanna believe, in the end it doesn't really matter much, if you don't stick to it, and don't hold fast, because nobody else will enforse it for you... That is the dark side of Truth! Only you can make the difference and save the day!! What is your Rashomon effect? Onward faithful Christians... sees people loosing him (John 6:66)