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People ask me constantly, why am I hanging out with right-wingers and supporting Trump and Elon, sharing rap songs from Tom MacDonald, when I'm a Christian Communist, who adheres to the philosophies of Kierkegaard and Nietzsche- Shouldn't I support the left. Tonight I'm cleaning out my closet and giving a calendar day, like in Kill-Bill to the Budds of this world, who keep annoying me with this question. Also my little handicapped brother,. Who is one year younger than me, and decided to become fullblown woke, ruined my Christmas and New Year, in his declaration, that “If you support Trump you can't be a Patriot of Estonia, now that he wants to take Greenland!” I gave them 2 Months of politics free time, to be with my family, and this is how they repay me – by talking on our last Supper and when I was playing chess, right before my little brother rushed to his plane, to go back to Germany about how vile is Trump. Thank You liberals for ruining that moment for me. Why would a Trump supporter, who is the only one in this family, deserve a quiet meal and quality time with his chess buddies online?
But lets start from the beginning. It all started with my Grandmother, who raised me, lets call her “The Nun” even though she was lutheran only by childbirth and nether attended church, cause of feminist pride and independent thought. She probably was afraid the pastor would suggest to listen to her husband more. So she laced it as fear, that the locks would change and the house would be burnt down by evil Grandfather if she would come to church! That is the first time, I learned about manipulation. My Grandfather was on the same level, and was angry about my father, who dared to impregnate his daughter, my Mom, on her birthday and Senior years being 19 of age when I was born, and only lasted for 2,3 years of his duty as a father. And since I was the spitting image of him, like many unwanted children, who barely escaped abortion, when my Mother had a change of heart, you can tell how our dinner table looked like some conflict in Kabul. I'm thinking of a movie, which I cannot recall its title, where a CIA negotiator fosters a known Terrorists little brother, who everybody wants dead, which gets the wife of the man killed, so he leaves Kabul. Later he comes back and has to reclaim that same terrorist, who got captured, and now it needs to resolve a diplomatic nightmare. It was called Kabul I think, but Google wont give me satisfactory results to confirm this.
Mostly I understood, the problem was, that I wasn't supposed to grow up like my dad, but the constant nagging did not help. It didn't make an INFP-T turn into an INFJ because they obviously sought a lawyer or a businessman, when I was but a dreamer; philosopher and poet. Math only mattered me because of Pythagoras; Numerology and all the myths surrounding the dublication of the cube and other such themes. Everything else was just chinease to me. You could have put a gun on my head and my C-/D would still not improved. Not to mention ortrography, while my grandmother was working at the Library of Tartu Univercity and my Grandfather working as an Architect/engineer it was a major big deal, that I could get top grades only in few subjects involving Philosophy and Literature. Not to mention, my poetry and reading skills bloomed later and there like Kage Bunshin for Naruto. The Nun had constantly something to lecture, because her grandchild didn't perform as expected from their sibling.
It didn't help that I was born on 17.05.1982.11.50 just about the time then Estonia hit the Numerology and New Age frenzy on the dreaded Anti Homophobia day. “Oh, whats this, your Son has a 22! He will be a Great Teacher!!" I wish those bastards would have let me have my 4 because it depends which school you adhere, how you calculate your charts. The Christians have MBTI which has the same issue, not to mention IQ tests which are 147 and PQ 161. And all of it has been a mayor pain in the ass. I had to learn from a young age, that I don't matter, only the statistics I bring to the table, so I learned mimicry, to give each person exactly what they needed to see. Probably the reason, I relate so well with Naruto Shippudens characters or the Anime's of Studio Ghibli like Howl's Castle and Princess Mononoke.
The break down of my church, because of petty reasons, which I wont go over anymore was also shocking, not to mention, then Andrus Veerpalu and his son there confirmed to have used doping in Winter Sports being like demigods in Estonian Society and rolemodels. It wasn't particularly the deed what upset me, but the excuse after: “We did it, because everybody does it, and there is no other way up!” They should have just accepted their shame, but I guess, its better to Hail Mary than to shut up and receive the toast. But the real kicker was Frank Marshal or Eminem. My rolemodel who represented everything for me, what I wanted to be as a Poet. I still remember the impact of such songs like “Lose Yourself”; “Till I collapse”; “Without me”; Mockingbird”; “Not Afraid”; “My name is”; Stan; “Berserk”; etc. He was like this anti establishment rapper while being white. But then the left took over the establishment and Oncle Stan became a corpo. I guess he got old too. The same person, he once despised and rapped against so much. At that point I knew, that “God is dead” and you can have your faith and stuff only if you fight for it! Why wait for people give you the things what should be under a title, you must get it yourself. I only discovered Tom MacDonald for myself later, after that grief. This man understands shit, and can remain true to his word, he raps. That's what we need right now. Men, who mean business and don't just talk then they are on street to forget as soon, they become important Mic3:5-78 like some mercenary. I will not go over, what I think about studying theology, for that has gotten ample descriptions experienced same way by both Kierkegaard and Nietzsche.
Also I noticed the segregation of topics, when I tried to become a youth pastor, that you can't talk about Christendom and gaming/anime together. You either love this or that. And since I'm a firm believer of 1Cor 13 and the Sermon of the Mount, for I don't need my faith for myself but to be in Union with Christ, which can only be done through a community. And my community happens to be gamers and otaku. Also due to my mother having such a life choice, where she picked the wrong guy, and the second one was also wrong until she found the right one years later. It was really hard to find that one... I also cater to unmarried women or people who like to share their porn pics, because they deserve their snowballs chance in Hell to have access to my vast experience and knowledge, what I have gleamed while studying theology and stuff. Who else would invite them to Jesus? If I but could I would re-enact the Holy Supper so many Christians crave and think themselves worthy of, and have them replaced with whom ever I shall find on the crossroads, who even vaguely fits the bill declared in the Sermon of the Mount. Luke 14:15-24; If they should be lacking I will pay the bill Luke 16:1-14 Because nobody lets the youths enter the House of God, but fills it with White Noise (Wokeness; Post-Modernism or something else not from God) John 2:13-17 Just because you say: “But lo Whiteraven, we took it from the gentiles not from our people!” That's why Jesus whipped those merchants out, who corrupted that side of the temple, which was opened to the gentiles, who couldn't enter with the Jews. Thus I am like an Orthodox Icon, like a Gate of God, so those who I deem worthy could enter and be with Lord Jesus Christ, who shall shut me down? Mat 18:18-20 and challenge my way! What say, Christians.
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