How to read „Resolve”

Sometimes I have this feeling that you guys don't understand me at all. That you have this feeling that you're talking to a Christian saint or at least an heroic Christian who has those things sorted out. For you write so much and so awesome and so perfect as one has told to me – how can you be possibly down, how dare you! Well, because Christianity is not about me and you, but about the personal relationship with Lord Jesus Christ and his teachings and without that all my scribbles are worth like your toilet paper, after you have used and flushed it – I allow you to wave to it Good-bye if it's still so important to you that I can write poetry…

Ok, still not getting it, so let us turn to one of my awesome poetry samples what I have written and how I read them. Let us take “Resolve” for example:

1.
I am the light that protects the meek
I am the hand that consoles, who weep
I am the shoulder that carries the weak
not only today but on every week.

2.
Every year and every hour;
if suns ablaze or nightfall scours
the crimson lights of fading dawn
may my lips never quiver; my reason yawn.

3.
This is no vacation; my life is no tower
no one shall block my pass, no boulder -
scolding friends or mentors who older
nobody's hearsay no words: "that told her"

4.
I am the heart that loves to be hurt;
I am the truth that God wrote to the earth -
nobody else to push him before;
no different angle; no later found score.

5.
Like a chain-mail of iron; a white skirt,
I will protect those who are broken and hurt.
Let me love, Jesus, let me be more,
be my image to others, like heavens door.

6.
If I shall strider on plains and through moor;
let me be first to fashion the road.
No lion or boar or wild who roams
shall make me falter; my posture to moan.

7.
I am the answer to prayers cast;
I am the gatekeeper who enters last:
Be your Grace to the world, my judgment fast,
that no one who you love may get lost and past.

I mean stansa one is already impressive, for it gives the impression of a worked out spiritual athlete who can do it all. But wait, you're reading it wrong, it should be read with the thought in mind as like C.S. Lewis stated about never teaching about how to overcome a sin unless he had a problem with it and then admitting to incest. The same here – I don't admit to “protecting the meek; consoling who weep; being the shoulder who carries the weak” and that on a regular bases because its business as usual to me but because I have so much trouble doing it in a straight forward and honest way, without falling into some kind of bribery there I expect things back from people. Very often I have even a problem in talking nice to people, you should see me in the morning then I haven't had my coffee. It is meant as a prayer like in “Oh Lord, give me those things, or I will mess up and be no good for you!” kind of thing…

Stansa two is also impressive like I don't know the word “Fatigue” or “Relent” or “Surrender” or “Defeat”. It sounds so bold, it must mean to you, then I enter the building like the Terminator or Elvis, all the demons and bad folks are running away scared while I wreac havoc around them and take what I like and want! Amen? Just like in success theology… Halleluyah?

No, it comes from the fact that I'm a lazy couch-potato mostly and sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get me going so I would do even the slightest,… and moaning for boredom is so natural to me that I could do Shikamaru Nara impressions how to make a run for it and chicken out of chores and stuff to do. Lord Jesus, has to remind me literally all the time why am I doing this all, and all though I am already 35 I still mess those things up and are challenged in the real joys of Heaven Fil 2:18; 4:4; Deut. 5 12:7,12; Mat 28:9 For we should be always happy that we got Jesus, but sometimes I just don't feel like it… so in here I remind myself of that.

Stansa three, line one:“This is no vacation my life is no tower” Mat 21:33-44;Luke 14:28-30 I mean Christians constantly build tower over tower over tower in our sermons that you could build at least Three Chinese walls; eight empire state buildings and eleven Vatican churches with it. And the poor would still be hungry and I would be like listening to Eminems Walk a mile in my shoes: “I designed the tears of a clown!” If there is a passage in rap music, what has moved me, then its that. This sincerity what we Christians so often lack to admit our defeats and pretend like we're Superman version 7.7.7 adding up to it that the neighboring church has version 6.6.6 so don't go to there, come to us!! Halleluyah!

And then we are even amazed why that wont make people swoon, like Black canary in Batman, the Brave and the Bold wasn't quite impressed of Music Maister's tunes. It really hurts my pride that Christians are more like Music Maister than Jesus, and there is no Batman nor Joker to stop them on that… I don't know why people won't go to church, please tell me about it!! (sarcasm and irony)

You know the signs in comedy shows that says applause – churches should have signs like “sarcasm” “Irony” or “Hell is hot” so we could flash those so people wouldn't listen to our sermons too much and neglect the teachings of Jesus Christ found in Mat. 5-7. If no Sermon of the Mount then no life. And you can write that on your bumper sticker and not born again, and see how people start treating you if you don't live according to it – for this is a statement! Amen!

Lines two and three: I mean I'm a really nice guy and like to get along with people so the most trouble I have with telling about it to people I respect and adore. For instance I had a prophetic word for my pastor about accepting that office that it wont prevail (Js 22:22-25) and I just couldn't give it to him so I gave him only half the passage the key of David thing – and he really worked himself into sickness and quit his office; and church and lives now in Elva and not in Tartu – and I am also not a member of any church right now, so if such kind of things are important to you, don't listen to me… I quit my church on December 3^rd for burn out and various other spiritual reasons mainly that we treated ourselves like we're better off than the rest of the world, and this just wont do in the light of the teachings of Jesus Christ or what I even pray in this poetry. So no tower buildings and no backing off and cutting slack to mentors for our tower should be Jesus Christ! Halleluyah!

Fourth line of third stansa is about gossiping namely boys gossiping towards girls to show them off.

And I have been erring in this faculty a lot, how not to talk with and respect girls. I mean I masturbate and watch porn and that had altered my perception about girls, mostly I would love lesbian witch kind of girls who are dressed like emo-goths but that's another issue not to mention the bondage and S&M… I have a lot of problems treating girls right, one of the reasons I talk and hang out with children on the internet so it would be much harder to be that tirty minded. For lust is no laughing matter and has destroyed many a Christian over the course of history…

Fourth stansa line one doesn't mean that I'm always compassionate – sometimes I work better and impress myself but mostly I really mess up with Compassion and are offended about no mans business and not about real things what should be the concern of a Christian.

“I am the truth that God wrote to the earth” Look how bold and proud it sounds, like I would be really something divine what will change peoples lives, but it actually means the notion then you're as the sand in the beach as movable and pliable by Gods finger that He can even write into you – and then comes the wave and washes it away and nobody knows it – except for you and Jesus of course. No encore and brave stand to be famous but just true witness and fasting in the spirit inside your prayer room for yourself so you could be available for God and notice Him. Do you know how Yandere Rev 3:20 really is. Jesus goes always like “Notice me, please notice me senpai!” and we're like “Fuck you! Groupie! I don't have time for this...” and do our own life and service and stuff to find out in Heaven that Jesus doesn't even know us Christians for we didn't do anything for Him but only served iniquity and Mammon! And that's a sad thing to know about oneself…

Third and fourth line in fourth stansa is the Christians “I will pray for you” lie which simply means, that you'll do absolutely nothing, not even flinging 50 cents to some request you deemed irrelevant and not working anyway but there to cynical and hypocrite to say it in the face what you really thought about this or that fellow in Christ… I know that there are real prayers in the world but to my experience they happen in secret. A mother who is worried that her son would die due to drugs wont say it to the son she is praying for, but is doing it inside her heart, while vowing to kill each and any individual she finds suspicious in that matter, and is monitoring any alien sub what comes too friendly talking to that son she assumes to be susceptible to drugs. She wont even tell it to her church nor anybody for how do you share such a thing!

Stansa five speaks about the same thing as https://youtu.be/poBqfF8SdNo; https://youtu.be/44hC4yT-ZEM; https://youtu.be/Huau8Wky3gg; For I am not doing it because I am always safe, although sometimes, then I look at my life its much more safe than the lives of people I encounter, but I got Jesus, so what am I gonna do about it… How I would wish to give people Acts 3:6 How I would love to make people spiritually walk, but alas, Christians are like blind beggars who cant hear nor walk and that breaks my heart. Why can't we follow the Sermon of the Mount which is the essence of Christianity!

Stansa six is the repetition of stansa 2 for there goes a saying in Estonia: “Repetition is the mother and Grandmother and Great-Grandmother of knowledge” If you don't get it once do it more times til you get it. As long as you get it. No yawning; no boredom – for we are not pawing the way to hell with our good intentions. We want more than good intentions or even good vibrations as a song once told, we want to mean business! We want Jesus Christ in our lives according to Mat 5-7 Amen!

Halleluyah!!

The seventh stansa is the finale and like any and all finales, you can't really enjoy it if you haven't understood what was about previously. So if you're not doing it for Jesus Christ to have Him in your life and have Mat. 5 – 7 in your life as your creed then there is no point in prayer the end of that poetry. For why would you possibly want to be the gatekeeper who enters last because he is too busy of getting the headless chickens in who still linger in this world and ought to be saved not by me but by the Word of God – Lord Jesus Christ!! Amen Halleluyah! I mean if you don't mean it like that it's totally ok to admit to that, but it's not ok to try to fake it and pretend to win my respect for that doesn't count for anything in Heaven. You should be wooing lord Jesus Christ by doing Mat 5-7 that will surely impress Him but not me. For do you try to convince your letter from your boyfriend/girlfriend that you're in love or do you pick up your phone and call or meet that one you love instead? Tell me about it! Then why would you try to convince me, who I am just like a letter from God to you, although sometimes I wish I wouldn't be so smeared and tattered and in a script that is not so tiny or neon flashy as the sound of silence said https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4 I wish I would be more genuine like Jesus Christ was in this world, and that's what this prayer is all about!

Get real Christians, no Sermon of the Mount – No life! Amen Halleluyah!!