Jordan Peterson -- 10 Brutal Truths of Life
Judging from my motivational writing and poetry, people have mistaken me as a positive character, coming from a healthy setting, having no trouble or chance of failure in his mind. That is the problem with society, that then you seem to reasonably make it, and not be a bother, then you're always meant to do that. As opposed to the previous narratives, I saw, while growing up, what spelled doom and gloom for me. Now it seems, as though they never even existed.
I started really low, coming from a single mother family. It was good, that her father accepted us, in his appartment, but it didn't stop the moral judgment, of me being a bastard -- being born outside of marriage and ruining her scholarship at the age of 19. Just because my father would not accept responcibility, and would keep drinking with his buddies, until divorce hit in. Two years of bitter marriage in the gutter.
Back then I grew up, I learned to despise moral zealoths, who take the moral high-ground, to judge single moms or other strugling people, because they there failing to this or that moral principle, what you could have managed, if you understood the faultlines correctly. But instead of offering help, they always offered judgment first. I was full of bitterness and resentful towards the world, because even the Bible told me so, that I was not welcome. How do you deal with yourself, then you're named Christian, but are offered no education to further that name nor a vantage point to approach it positively. You read the Bible, that you need to adhere to sertain rules, but tough shit, you there born outside, first you need to verify your birth! I lacked the language skills to dig deeper into the scripture, which I didn't understand, and which on face value told me to fuck right off...
So what made the difference, to fall in love with Christ and Christianity, then my first impression was so negative. The first reason was, that it was fun playing around inside a church, without being condemned for it. It gave me an inner calm, and it felt great. My mother couldn't afford a nanny on that Sunday, so she brought me to church to hear the Sermon, and I played under the chairs. I guess the congregation was having a laugh, but it was cool, that I was allowed to be that way. Just playing around, not understanding a thing, what was going on. The second experience, then I was older and attended Sunday School already, in a different church. I believe I was six. Anyway, that church was Ivy League, way over my head. All of them academics and parcing either Greek; Hebrew; or something else. Its like going to enter Silicon Valley for the first time -- and be treated like you're equal, like you belonged there. It was such a cultural shock to me, considering how I was treated on average. It made me try harder with my scholarship, although, my father was a drop out, and had to force himself through evening school, because his girlfriend, my mom, was nagging him. Because I wanted to belong into this posh church, filled with creme de la creme, of what the Baptist society had to offer in Tartu. I couldn't write a readers diary, without copy-paste, which was my understanding back then, I entered grades 1-3. I was a late bloomer. Memorizing poems came hard and brought me to tears. I had to cry myself to sleep, memorising those pesky stansas with my mom or grand-mom, who worked at Tartu Univercity rewriting and deciphring old manuscripts for preservation. They gave me the love for literature and writing, though I was really hard case. I mostly liked to doze off in class, like Shikamaru. I really hated poetry and any classes, what involved themselves with grammar, or spelling. It was the horror. Math was another thing for me, which didn't agree. But because I was treated better, than I expected at this Ivy League church, I suffered it through, and tried to comprehend, what are they seeing, what I am not seeing. At the age of 13 I started considering suicide. It was petty reasons, but back then it seemed so important. I was constantly mad at everything, and not being able to follow through with the Christian moral code. It sucked growing up next to a younger brother who was mentally handicapped, forcing me to grow up sooner, because of being the elder brother, so I could take responcibility. Also my little brother outgrew me, so I had to wear his old clothes, which was unforgivable, not to mention getting the bail outs, thenever he did something, due to handicap. Also at that time I learned, how toxic forgiveness can be, if its misguided. For instance, my little brother was handicapped. Due to that he was never expected any great feats. That was my faculty. At first he tried to get attention, but eventually he gave up, because why even try, then you can only do mischief, and nobody really expect anything from you. Also, just that people expect great things from you. Then I was growing up, there was a end of days craze going on, followed with a Indigo madness. I believe the world needed to end at least three times, then I attended school from 1-9 grade. Of course the world did end for me, because the Soviet Union collapsed, so it wasn't entirely incorrect, just the powerscaling was off. The point is, due to me being born on that date, it gave me annoying attention from the wrong kind of people, who can inflate expectations about your gifted son, just buy this and that lecture about our studies -- and then you're on your own to troubleshoot, because none of those indigo clerics will take responcibility, then something goes south in your life. They just really good at gossiping at the sidelines, and then let somebody else do it. Plus you have to pay for it, in order to figure out, what happens next. Its a good thing, stuff was cheap back then, but still. Eventually you're on your own with 20 new manaburns and 50 new other traits and expressions, which you dind't comprehend and now have to mind.
It was a good thing, my Sunday School involved physical contact sports, to be mindful of the boys, which there at majority there, so before listening, we would get the pent up energies out. I could just let the rage out and start my Mondays from a fresh sheet. I really loved it. Plus I got lot to know about scripture, to figure out, that there was a way to Christ for a Bastard. You just have to give your prior life up and accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and God. If it works for drug addicts and drunkards, it should work for my kind as well. I also learned, that everything illegitimate belongs to God. That includes cutting yourself, or being offerd to a deity. For I didn't like being called Kristjan by my stupid grandmother, who didn't attend church, out of fear, the locks would change or the appartment burn down, because my grandfather don't aprove the faith! I constantly lived in fear, that somewhere an angel of God would come, and oneshot me like Dagon in his Court... I also was afraid that the bagmen would abduct me from the streets, or a white van would park at our door, because back then you could disappear for research, if your genes there intricate. But lucky for me the Soviet Union collapsed, so that venue was closed. I constantly had nightmares as a child, there a vortex of energy tried to swallow me up, or a black hole, located in my room. After I started walking with Christ, it lost its power over me, and I didn't have to run away anymore, and eventually it didn't took place anymore. The same was with my stomache aches. My mother has also those migranes, there her head makes her bedridden for the entire day. I don't understand, why it wont better for her, because she's also a baptized Christian, It worked wonders for me. After being baptized the stomache aches just stopped. Before that, it felt like somebody would twirl my guts like spagetti with a fork. And it kept on coming, not to mention my anorectic looks and hygene problems; inconfidense, which didn't make it easy making friends. Or my goofy girly mannerisms then talking.
I had plenty of reasons to shoot my entire classroom, for not understanding me. Hell even I didn't understand myself and the feelings inside. Thankfully I dind't have access to a gun, and I kept going to this Ivy League church, I also attended the first church Sunday school, because I didn't wanna miss out on friends I made there, but they went to different churches. Eventually it was thwarted by adults moving the timelines such a way, you could not attend both on time, which sucked but Christians have always been territorial on, who gets the soul. Like we're not one in Christ. But that's neither here nor there. Because I had something meaningful to do, and mess up. Because many things didn't go perfectly. Some spiritual things I had to learn by failure, but how nice it fealt, that I had a space to do so. And it didn't make the adults hate my guts. That was the best part. Many people know this woke attitude, there you make one mistake and you're cancelled, and never get another chance. I never fealt, like I had to hide myself in that Ivy League church, although it went way over my head. Eventually I even started grasping the existencialism and philosophies behind the sermons. I also followed it through in my prayer life, asking for more wisdom and discernment as much as I could. Whenever it came up, Jesus looked me in a funny way, and said: "You fool, you should have asked for something else!" I still don't get it, what was so wrong about asking for wisdom and discernment. I wanted to fit in, though it felt like trying to musckle a zealoth build into a Paladin Tank. Either the armour is too thick and big; too heavy, or you are too smoll, to fill it. The stats just would not match. I had it really hard, to find the White Knight in me, coming from my setting.
If I hadn't attended theology studies -- because at that time, then people go to their mandatory duties as soldier, I had a nasty fight with my mother, whom I deeply admire and respect, considering how much she had to sacrifize in order to raise me. But she didn't approve of the army! Mainly, she didn't believe in me, that I would make it. Truth be told, I did look like the light version of MacGyver, with a pinch of that woke safe space face, what people know to hate. There was plenty of reasons to not believe in me. It still hurt. If I hadn't managed to get into theology, luckily my IQ was 147 and PQ 161 also my church vetted me, I would have turned out a terrorist, because teens like me, there actively sought after, who had nothing to do with their lives. And my grades there mostly average. I did excell at Philosophy and Literature, because I worked really hard on those, but mostly I was average at everything else. At the first year of my theology studies I read Nietzsches "Thus spoke Zarathustra" along with Ain Kalmus "Prohvet" and some other Christian literature, and at the end of the year accepted my faith and got baptized. The year was 2003. The reason was to disprove Nietzche, who was sold to me as the Antichrist. The more I read his book, the more I had to agree with his criticism, and eventually it made me choose Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. Shocking right? Normally people see Nietzche as the antagonist, not as any help for a Christian. Especially in Estonia, then people hate the sentence, "God is Dead!" It gave me new hope, because it translated my anxiety and depression into comprehencive speech. Suddenly I wasn't alone with my questions, like their off place and ill advised. I could see the difference of the concept of God and the Real God. That people could follow up with a tradition, rather the entity behind. -- Let it be told, I never cried, then I found out that the Lerprechauns are not real, who bring candy in Estonia, to childrens slippers, nor Santa Clause. I even learned, how this legend in Catholicism came to pass. Coming from a Soviet setting, I was used to adults lying to me. It happened all the time on newspaper and media. It was just another layer of society, there you asked somebody to sit down, while expecting them to sit on the chair. Or shake hands. Its sad that our new Society, which was meant to mend and better the old, has devolved to the same old. I guess you can't fail the classics.
Anyway. Since Zarathustra could exist, my God, also known the Father; Son and the Holy Ghost must therefore exist. Its no point in trying to science up this explain. It just had to work for me emotionally. How sad and disappointing it was for me, then studying theology, to find out, that most academics, who write books, don't believe in God, while claiming to be Christian! There was too much Hegel and Marx in theology, mostly Schleiermacher and Eduard Lohse, who can't find Jesus in the bible because they need to suck up to their science friends, to look like scientists and scholars. They taught the woke this annoying theme, of virtue signaling. Because all the evidence is linked back to a church or tradition, they threw everyting out, concluding, due the opposition never claiming the claims of the Bible, therefore Jesus never existed as a real person in the course of History. It blew my mind. I came there, to give my life up, to become a Pastor, and I got a treatise of "There's no spoon!" Hell, my pastor, who burnt out, because of issues at church, paid half my tuition, because I showed that much promise, and then those shenanigans. I just wanted to punch my foot up the teachers ass and the shoe out of his damn mouth! I was beyond pissed. Thus I did it back and became a Christian Communist, botching my education. I just tossed everything out of Communism, what did'nt agree with Jesus being the Boss, just as I saw the scholars doing to God inside theology! For two can play this game. -- I also became a security officer, though my intellect would have allowed me to gather those points and make those essays, but I just had to blow my stack, due to this hissy fit over too much Hegel and Marx in Theology! If I had played ball, I would be a Philosophy or Theology Professor now, but without a moral compass. I would be exactly like Vaush, whos only criteria is how to win the argument -- not even the game, but the argument!! For if your nihilism dost agree with my evidence, why should I accept your narrative? I can also float like God over the Aether, then nothing has yet been created to Tohuvabohu!!
If misappropriation is the meta, lets do it. And that's how you get a Christian Communist in a Republican setting. Halleluyah, have a nice day! <3 ^^ UWU
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