Phonebooth talk

 Happy Saturnday to ya all, or Sabath day, then we humble our souls and do what we dont like. I am at my mothers boyfriends cottage right now, and its raining outside... I wish they would marry already. I hate it there, and wish I would be working instead. I love my 12h shifts at the lunatic ward. Its mostly peaceful in here. I feel more confortable with the clients, than with my family; because the clients, knowing there they at, that this could be the end of the line, actually try to behave and get their shit together. Also the skin ailmentst are also under us, so that keeps people humbled as well, out of  fear to be lumped together with the lunatics. I'm not one to judge anyhow, because that would be the same as working in the Money storage of a bank and considering taking free samples. Why would you hate yourself and your mind so much, to even go there and cocktease yourself into a position, there you could have a momentary lapse of judgement, what your prideful self and selfimage/ social life cannot forgive nor forget? You should actually tell yourself, that you Will not have it, not just can't have it. Can't have it is like the joke I read from  former Maria now Maja adult bulletin: "Mary went with little Juku along the road and Juku was holding the Calf by the rope. Mary: "Alas, the road is long and there is a dark bush ahead. Now you will do indicent things unto me!" The boy said nothing. Mary burning with glee: "Verily, I say unto you, you are thinking of taking me by forse in this bush!" and she stopped next to the bush and the boy got upset being teased like that. Juku: "Listen, you're hot and all, and I really like you, but you know, I have to guard this young calf until we get home. How could I possibly do any of that, without it walkinng away and me getting into trouble?!" Mary snickered with a sinister smirk "I didn't know, you got no hands to tie it to that tree next to the bush, lamebrain!!" If you can't do something, then you're just waiting for a valid excuse and have already done it in your heart. That's why you must say unto yourself: "I will not have it!" Anyway, the issue is, that I messed up again, and forgat the shower on the wrong mode, and the next user got a close bathing experience; also I didn't do my bed properly and my step-dad snapped on it -- again. He's the guy, who would put the rubbish bin in your bed, if he thinks you're disrespecting him. And then you must understand, to do things properly. I like him and approve of him being around my mom. I can see my mother has improved after dating him. He's no longer crying inside, as it used to be; like my father left her. The issue is, I don't like to be called out after my 12h shift like that. even if its my fault, because I'm not very receptive. Why couldn't he fucking wait until morning, give me some coffee, and then have his one hour rant. I hate it, then people abuse my training as a security officer, especially then I understand, they mean well. Because it doesn't leave me the deffencive option of being upset and blowing my stack; slam the doors -- right my stepdad did the renovation in our appartment, and that would be a dick move slamming those doors now -- I really hate, then things are moved in my room. If I leave something untidy, I absolutely want to find it in the same place, when I return. My stepdad, being a renowned and respected Woodwork teacher at a school, don't understand that kind of sentiment. Why can't I just fit in and have to be the Whiteraven in the room. Nobody wants to have a whiteraven in their room, because they don't know, if that horrid Alp of a creature: will it run away with your children, teaching them lewd stuff and misbehavior or will he audit your life and you'll be fucked at work and in your social life or will he only have a smalltalk and you get to fix your shit you there desperately mending the last 20 or so years. Nobody wants such a Pandoras lootbox, there you could get the Jackpot -- or Hellraiser is coming after you. I'm my own charming personality like Whiplash, although i have mastered no faculty to express this level of Senpai pride. That is the reason, I get to pointless fights what have only token meaningfulness in a certain point of irrelevant view -- like Gregarious is not a very useful word, because you can't use it in a sentence -- I am the same kind of Word. I exist, but the wizards are still debating whatfor was I summoned into existance. Maybe its a Wizzerdrix thing? I don't know. I hate to make my room perfectly clean, because then its unconfortable to live in there, like the walls are closing in on me. Why did I purchase the Jesus painting from the second hand store next to my church? Oh right, back then I was a prideful Christian and had my picket Fences White House dream. Baptists are so full of themselves. I guess, that's why I fit right in there. Now its just creeping me out with his silent judging eyes, when I listen to Satanist music or trying to summon Asmodeus or Lilith just to see what happens. Right now the effect is the same, as a child trying to log into an adult site via fathers credit card, gets redirected to a kiddy section, while dad gets a nasty call of "Why are you not raising your kid properly?" I never wanted to embarrass lord Jesus Christ, but somehow I put myself in such a position. Even the demons know I am taken >////< UWU :$ I also have to constantly pray on behalf of Satania, the site I like to hang out, because I don't want them to end up like the Crayon follower, to whom I lied not to be baptized, so he would teach me his ways, and lord Jesus Christ snapped all yandere style and let him die to hypoclychemia three months later, so I could not make that mistake again. Or was he mad on the blind teacher himself, who didn't get the message, that I was already taken. I am like this kind of irresponsible criminally blond chick, while being a man, that lord Jesus Christ has to bash some brains onto the wall, for me smiling into the wrong direction. This is the reason, I can't afford too many friends, out of fear of being too expencive to them. Abrahma also had this kind of attitude, then he lied his wife to be his sister if I remember correctly. Now its so hard to read the bible, I only managed until day third, and was out cold, then at my start at the age of six I could read 20 chapters in a row without tiring a forgetting to even eat. Then my mother would have gotten upset and asked to do something else, so I converted my Mom into Christendom, so I could keep reading the bible. And I wasn't even baptized then doing those shenanigans. My little handicapped brother helped as well. Too bad, I was such a dick back then, and didn't let him convert out of fear, people will want to  spend more time with him, than with me. I was never good in sharing, having to share my room and wear my little brothers clothing, because he outgrew me. Poverty sucks. Now my little brother is security officer in Germany. I am happy for him, going there I longed to go but was too scared and rooted into the ground. Getting those values of merging together Christianity; Commuism; Nietzsche and Kierkegaard is no small effort. Its like trying to lift the Cross of Jesus Christ thrice, because you'd rather hang in there, then let lord Jesus Christ shame you with it. I still cannot come to terms with the audacity, lord Jesus Christ, as the son of God, dying on the cross, for people who even 2000 years later cannot even want to want to respect his teachings known as "The Sermon of the Mount" What kind of Christian denomination should ever master it. I would rather put my money on a buddhist ashram; a Satanist Grotto or some D&D Larpers being able to live accordingly and getting into Heaven, than Christians, who want to be so mainstream and establishment, that it casts Jesus out of their coffers and dinnertables. Lord Jesus Christ is still wearing the gasmask on the cross, like a painter once memed. Why did He bother, if He already knew, He wont find much responce and Faith on Earth, once He decides to return to His holdings... How can a servant of the White Knight Gatekeeper type the ultra-Karen ever fathom this? I wish I had a deathnote or lord Jesus Christ would make me a demon of the kind, who possessed king Saul for disrespect against the Lord God Yahweh. So I could mark all those repeat offender in the church up and make them pay. Also all those fake communists in BLM and the government, who virtue signal but never deliver, because they want to spend their money themselves and buy expencive villas and stuff not build wellfare for the poor. That also doesn't give me many friends. I'm happy there is no real communism or Christendom, because I either would be put to death, out of fear I could be the counter revolutionary, or I would convert into an Inquisitor, and start censoring and mutilating all those people, daring to use their brains for something else than worship and obedience. Knowing those issues about myself, doesn't help to enjoy Hentai; Anime; Manga and my other interests, what my zealous side cannot understand. I am eclectic to say the least. How am I still alive and not possessed, why is lord Jesus Christ still cutting me slack, maybe I should ask Him. 

I can't wait for my Schwartzwald torte for my Birthday at May 17th which we celebrate here, because I'm on duty at the real date, and I didn't want to take a free day, though I could have, because I would get into a bad argument anyway and ruin my own birthday. I better be working then. My Mom is making it, and she's really good at it... So how has your day been?