Stop hitting on yourself

 Having an infight with Jesus, why did I leven my church;

wish I would get a room, then Me was hitting on Myself,

I got yeallous and karened God. Jesus came and saw the dismay:

"Stop hitting on youself!!" 

"All the Christians are childish and immature, why did you sent me there?"

"Because you're childish and immature, you fit right in, stop hitting yourself!"

I flirted with Me to make Myself yeallous, and Jesus shook his head:

"Why are you hitting on yourself?"

"Because no girl wants me for crying out loud!!"

"Whats wrong with the Christian variety I sent your way?"

"I can't corrupt those, they have read no forbidden lore nor anything outside of the straight and narrow!"

"Whats wrong with the Non-Christian variety I sent your way?"

"They got issues on their own. I should be the center of attention while worshipping the ground under their boots..."

"Let me get this straight. You want someobdy who lets you worship her, while giving you all her attention!"'

I bounce my head around the room like an angry stocky Alp cannonball, I DON'T KNOW!!

"Could you please pay attention, while I am speaking with you?"

I find myself confind in a straight jacket sitting on a chair.

"Now you listen. Either you go back to your church and apologize. You will start attending as you used to be, because that's why I sent you there to straighten your bullshit up. Or you can find yourself a new room, because I wont let you in to hang out with me, if you gonna disrespect me like that. Do you know, that it really hurts to receive the cold shoulder from you and see you hang out with all those other demons and entities, while not giving me the same attention, as you used to enjoy. What happened with you?!!?"

"I guess I locked my inner child into a cage and throw away the key to grow up..."

"Why the fuck would you do that for, the inner child was the best part of you, which helped to reason and level the others, so they wouldn't kill each-other!"

"I guess I got fed up with normal, and I wanted to spice things up..."

"So how are things going for you right now?" Jesus came really close with his Shinigami-Yandere look.

"Its not really helping, none are like you..." I look away embarrassed and try to change the subject.

"Oh no you don't Mister Whiteraven, you're not walking away on me!!" Jesus replied and I snapped back. "I will have this convo with you and only You, not your alts. Or I will start nuking those alts for you. I never liked you creating 8 personalities for yourself. If you felt so alone, why couldn't you hang out with those friends you made on the internet?"

"What if they don't like me, once they find out..?"

"Find out what?" Jesus stands in front of me and stares me down.

"How twisted I really am, just to become enlightened -- I fell more asleep as Shikamaru in class."

"Before you can jump up, you have to level your feet to the ground and crouch, then move upwards!"

remarked Jesus and sighed frustrated. "Why do you rather remind a Juggernaut knight who tries to drill the tiles from upstairs to downstairs to earn a badge? Don't you know, I hate virtue signallers! Do you wanna get attention from me or from the crowd? You can't have both!!" 

I am shocked and stop hitting on myself "Why couldn't you tell me sooner, I look like that?? I didn't know!"

"Why couldn't you use a fucking mirror?" Jesus undoes the straight Jacket and I can walk freely again.

"Mirrors are scary and empty... and even if I see something, I look like Dad. I don't wanna look like Dad, nor like Gramps, if I think of that... sorry..." Then we cry and hug and make up and its another happy day in Whiteraven-omniverse.