Dad Jokes

 *Parental Advisory, you're about to read somebody, who gloryfies DAD JOKES! Explicit content, this is the time to turn back whense you came, you have been admonished, say good-bye to your sense of humour and tolerance levels*... explicit content UWU 

A song made out of Dad Jokes 

The reason, why we old timers tell dad jokes, is not a lack of self criticism and awareness. I can't talk about other countries, but in Estonia, self-deprecation; ironyu and sarcasm, came hand in hand. Also we developed that skill under Soviet sensorship, so it had much of the hindu satjagraha in it. You had to understand subtext you couldn't talk about in the public. You liked the social criticism and the glee, then people finally guessed it, why you told the joke. If you didn't get it, you there'nt in the know, and there treated like the guy pointed at with the teapot in china, or was that japan... I always mess their cultures up. Still some people got 25+5ed!! 25 years you got for the joke and 5 years for telling the joke, because now 2 socialists knew your deviancy, and that made it an organisation!! Oh noo... :o It basically showed, that you there in the inner circle of the family, then you got to the dad jokes. Most socialists had notoriously bad humour. Not even the trans community can compete with that. I guess a certain amount of pathos draws the funny out of you, because you have to constantly be so serious, to prove your case and cannot see yourself in the mirror anymore. And there come the dad jokes in play... to keep your cool; individualism and humanity!! 

Let's talk about the classic soviet Dad Jokes: 

1. The Bread is dirty! 

A Family goes to the mall, and wants to buy bread, but they are ushered to use the paper napkins on the side, to pick one, because the store owner don't like marks on his bread. Little Juku dost not get it and exclaims: "We don't buy dirty bread!" 

Everybody has had this cringe moment in their youths, what showed what age you there. Even I once told that sentence, and now remember it with tears in my eyes. It was part of growing up... 

2. Sing softly into my ear... 

Juku was a dense little boy and didn't get things instantly right; his father was very strict and told him on Christmas. "Listen, Juku, look me in the eye, then I'm talking to you, then you need to go to pee, this is not ok, you say it out loud..." 

Juku: "But what if I really need too, dad?" 

Juhan: "When you need to sing, do you hear me. You need to Sing, so don't upset your grandpa, he had to drive three hours from Tallinn to get here! Respect your elderly!!" 

As the party progressed, Juku had a really bloated bladder from all the food and butter scotch, so he started shyly "Grandpa, I need to sing!" Grandpa was a bit of drowsy and in high spirit. "Uh, what? Not now..." "But I really need to SING!!" gnashed Juku his tooth together. Grandpa mutters in resignation, and gets to his Santa Clause position. "Alright, alright, come closer and sing softly into my ear, that you don't disturb the other guests!" 

I don't think, it needs further plotline harvesting... :o

3. "We're sold out, we don't sell carrots!"

" A Rabbit goes to a hardware store and orders: "Can I have 1 kg of carrots please."

friendly store owner: "Sorry, we're a harware store. We don't sell carrots."

Next day, the rabbit is back: "Can I have 1 Kg carrots please!" 

Flustered store owner: "We don't sell carrots, this is a hardware store!" 

The next day, the rabbit: "Can I have some carrots, pretty please!!" 

Angry store owner: "Now listen, you little shit, you have been pestering me for 3 days already, and asking carrots -- in a hardware store. If I see you again -- in this hardware store -- ordering carrots! I'm gonna take this hammer, and these nails, and punch you on that wall there, right next to the picture of comrad Hruštšov! Do you hear me!!" 

The next day the rabbit was back in a Pioneer uniform and the store owner punches daggers into his presence, awaiting, what could he possibly want. 

The rabbit comes closer, looks around and asks in a coy manner. "Uh, can I have one hammer and 1 kg nails, please..." wink wink. The store owner is taken by surprise and blushes: "We're sorry... you see, we're sold out and waiting for the next patch..." 

"Oh in that case..." gets the rabbit psyched "Can I have 1 Kg carrots please?" 

The store owner looses his shit and takes his special sledge hammer from under the counter and some really big 15.24 cm nails and hammers, the rabbit next to the promised place with comrad Hruštšov, the fram slightly tilted from the commosion. He goes to do his business and forgets about the rabbit. The rabbit asks the picture, "So, did you ask for carrots too, and how long is the regular detention rate around here like?" 

The point, why this joke was so funny, is because of deficit, but a Soviet store never ran out of stock, even if they did, you could not admit that; also they had always something under the counter, for VIP customers. The other point was, due to snitches, you never knew which customer was KGB you had to be on your best behaviour, so even then a brat gave you sass, you never encountered such a store owner more than once, because he quickly disappeared to the gulag afterwards. It was a pride and reputation thing. And you definetely didn't go with a sledge hammer against the same wall an important figures painting was, because if the  frame got a knick or god forbid, the glass broke, you could not fix it, because the glasser, was duty and honour bound to report you, and you had to explain, why did the picture fall down. Is this some kind of co op against the Communism? Are you a counter revolutionary?? etc. Also it had to be leveled, because that was reported too, not to mention, if you forgat to dust it!! Before I forget, you could not molest a pioneer, because they there the "children of Stalin" it was like muscling the cow in India... That kind of serious affront was only allowed to Communist loyal mainliner war veterans, then a child needed to pick up the candy wrapper, he was standing next to, which was the only case, they had no rights... even then they didn't throw down. Or give up their seat in the bus...  Also you could not pee in the holy fire. Aside from that, you could do nothing to a Pioneer! The carrots there a known euphemism for jewelery, for socialists don't wear them, though comrad Leonid Brezhnev was infamous about that. But he was allowed, because he was the first Communist, the Premier Secretary!! -- He was such a famous War Hero, that he only missed out on 2 badges, which is a joke in on itself. The first was the badge of brave female fighter pilots and the other was the badge of honour for communist mothers of the year, for birthing and raising 6+ children!! -- So gold shops had it hard. It was like a gun store at the amish convent. You had to make really shrewd excuses, how and why to keep your business. One slip up, and you there done, and some comrad put up shop at your place. You always sold, what ever the higher ups wanted to buy from you, for "No!" meant death penalty. 

4. "Stop, or I'll shoot!" 

A soldier does a routine check up at the road, and an elderly couple stops respectfully. Everything goes smoothly, and they are off to resume their journey as ordered. Then suddenly the angry soldier starts chasing the car by foot, waving his hands and yelling. 

"Stoy, Stoy, Streljat budu!!" 

The car and the frightened elderly couple stop, awaiting for the verdict. The soldier casually walks to the back of the car, and opens the back seat door and takes out the AK47 he forgat, while checking the car. "All clear, you can drive now!!" 

You there always wrong, and the KGB; Police or any operative was always right, no matter how stupid their orders there. That sparked the blue cups scandal in Russia then a FSB hummer, killed an elderly and was not charged for it. That's why the operatives there so sloppy, aside from some cases, there was no oversight. You there God in the Soviet Union!! As long you didn't violate any nono's you could do anything. Just read te Gulag Archipelago" by Solsenitsõn

Thank you for your time, and have a nice day! <3 ^^ OVO